It's A Cycle, I Mean Circle.

Morning everyone. I have something to blog about. A never - ending one.
It transcended into a multitude of topics. I lost sight of what I was writing about in the end. Typical. I was going to say usual but typical is a better word.
Did I mention I L-O-V-E vocabulary?
Probably the longest blog I've written. It's 2:30 anti-meridian. Only one eye is open. The house is silent. The typing of my keyboard is as loud as the thunder outside.

Tonight I got this overwhelming sense of, What's the point of trying ?
What's the point of trying to get something you want.
Why do material items, and for that matter people, why do they mean so much ?
Why do you go through all the stress -- the quickening heart beat, the strain of voice, the butterflies in the stomach, the massive brain effort, OH THE HORROR.
Like. What is the point?
Yes, achieving the things you want in life because you only live once and it is important to be happy and be you for you and all that pretty optimistic jazz.
But I can't help feeling like an ungrateful dick. A totally unappreciative, whining monster.
In another world, people are actually thankful for their families.
They're thankful for the food infront of their very mouths.
For the roof that shelters them.
Like. I don't think about that AT ALL. I don;t. It just doesn't concern me cuz it's just THERE.
You do it too and you and I both know it.
I'm not trying to call anyone out. I promise. It's just like.
This was the life we were given. The world we were born to and know.
We're the lucky ones. The fuckin; lucky ones. We're the luckiest kidson the planet.
Born into a place where you DON'T have to think where the fuck your next meal is coming from.
No problem like that will ever exist to us.
I just. Lost the point in trying so hard to ask for something that you want.
I have actually lost the point in everything currently.
The point of a relationship. They're just gonna kill you in the end.
They are.
People are not what they seem.
And the people who would honestly be there for you, the ones that are actually true,
you cast them aside and act like they are nothing.
You speak about them behind their back without a care in the world.
You pull the biggest double standard, and you are a terrible person for it.
You are.
But it doesn't REALLY matter. That's why you do it in the first place.
They'll never find out right?
You're probably right.
NOw you see. I had this sudden inspirational thought.
It's going to be long. It's going to be hard. And as I type it sounds like I'm talking about a penis here, but no, I'm talking about the road.
The road I'm going to take to get over .
Like. Again, WHAT'S THE POINT !!!!! I wasted so much time. SO much effort. Just too much of mylife wasting -- no, DWINDLING on .
And. Life is so much better without ,
It's like I can almost not wait to get out of h school to be seperated from ,
I can't say how much I like , anymore. I learned for the first time that people are most certainly not who you think they are. I found out how much it just fucking SUCKS when you get really goddamn close to someone, and they just completely let you down.
BUT BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM SO VERY FUCKIN MUCH, you give them another chance. You want them to pull through, and be who you thought they could be.
But again, they let you down. Don't for one second consider your feelings. It's for THEIR own personal gain, and they aren't doing anything wrong. Nothing wrong.
Ooo. I'm still mad about this.
Why are you even mad when your other friends, the real friends, are having worse problems of their own?
Why do matters of the heart burn the worst?
Why can't I just have someone for me. All for myself, and I for himself. Why can't I just meet the only person I'll ever need. The only perspn who'll need me.
Why am I so selfish ? Why do I only think about me ?
Well. The . + , that I stupidly cared for the most, both .>shut>me>down>.
J.Daniels, Why ? is the PERFECT blog title. It's just universally transitional. It fits like the perfect sequined glove. I've never asked - begged - the question so many times. It makes perfect sense. I applaud you infinintely.
Fuck man. We're just a truck load of confused teens. I hate this age. I'm wasitng my youth so much. I wish I couldn't. I wish I wouldn't.
For those who have things happen to them that they truly do not deserve, I sincerely wish they discontinue to obstruct you from living well. Living happy. I wish I could be more like you. Because I lost sight of who I am.
Whatever right? No. I can't. I just can't. You can. You just can.
All I want is for Gr. 11 to have never happened.

Star light, Star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight...
(toolate!)