Hey Miss Murder Can I ?

It finally hit me last night @ Alanna's house, whilst watching SuperNatural.
I
'
m
f
r
e
e
.
I'm done. I have nothing to do. And it's the best feeling in the world.
I have nothing to stop me now.
I just
became so happy in an instant and it's like
yeah.

FREE AT LAST!

Free at last ....

WE SURE ARE IN FOR A SHOW TONIGHT

4 : 2

I'm feeling especially drowned now.
Like..
Physics, i just want to do so well but I know I'm not,
and I know I can't.
It's just fact of the matter, not oh you can do it Isha just believe!
I hate all you bullshitters who say that.
Like. I just don't like optimism when it comes to hmm i dunno REAL LIFE.
just pssss me off. sorry but it does.
Anywho
i just wish i was prepared for this test
this test of tests to end all tests
yes, it's my fault i didn't study as hard as i could have
and i know how hard i can study
just ask the library folk who saw me everyday for a week, chem books in hand.
and it's just like. i am really scared i am going to fail this diploma
but it's like what are you scared of REALLY.
parents? not really to be honest. university? no im not even getting in probably
then what?
just not passing?
not doing the best of your ability?
i dunno
i really don't know why this is so bothersome
it's just a test
(but it;s not JUSt a test''')
god why is this like this
i am just really truly daunted (dawnted?) about studying PHYSICS for 8 hours too
A
l
o
n
e
.
I can't get over that idea.
I know it;s like when it comes I'll just suck it up but I can't even deal right now
oh i know
i'm a complainer
you told me straight up
and it's like. i don't care at ALL LOL
i know
but i need to write it out to get it out
and you are the unfortunate victim who subscribed to my shitty blog
so
deal
with
it

lol

I laughed when you made fun of me (Kyle)
ingenious.
hmm.
let's see
4 days
3 down
3 to go
i am almost done
yet not
oh wait i mean
so close yet so, so far away
or
it's so close i can taste it

oh ya on thursday
my hair dresser scheduled me for 1 o'clock so i can only hang with you for like an hour and a half or so....
im' sorry!
but. CHAI TEA LATTE it is.

i am a yzark woman

3-3

That's the score kids
I almost put niggs
because lean back is playing and i want to kill myself
which just reminded me to delete the offspring off of my
oh look at that it's done
anyways
i almost put niggs
but then I decided not to.

Did I Really?

.

..

...

....

.....

......

.......

........

.........

The Fever (Acoustic)

I just like
am running low
on fuel
whoa
did you know that when I wrote low
i wrote love by accident
without even thinking about it
my fingers just did it
and when i wrote low a second time
i did it again
and for that third time
i did it again
i wonder
about little things like that

No Matter Which Way You GO

Yeah boi I am copying your song title.
IT seems fitting for mine too.
I just don't know why it just does.
That's how the lyric tattoo is going to come.
One day I'm going to decide I love YourSinsIntoMeOhMyBeautifulOne
by AFI
and that's gonna go on my arm and I won't regret it but you will.
I am already having a really bad day today.
I split tea ALL OVER my car by accdient
it was stupid and I actually knew it was going to happen
but i put it down on the middle thing between the 2 front seats for less than 10 seconds
and i immediately knocked it over lol.
all over the back seat.
so have fun sitting there.
then
We were going to study chem at 10 @ le library
but it doesnt open till fucking 1
so one girl decided to not go at all but meet tmr
and now other girl and i are meeting at her house at 5
but we NEED to get an entire unit done
but we are besties so I dont know if that will happen because we have a lot of fun :)
but we need to so. hopefully it'll happen
and then it's like OH YA SCHOOL'S TOMORROW.
Kyle I won't be able to hang out with you
during 4th's because every fourth we are going to the loishole libe to study chems.
I cannot afford not to.
I have a fucking 69%
I wish I could do better in school.
:(
Ohmygod
i forgot the count down
it doesn't really help
but I'm going to say it anyways:

11 days
Hey man that's not THAT BAD... it'll be over pretty soon
just 4 /6 exams to go
yipppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Oops...I Did It Again

"Is that a pimple in your ear?"
"YA MOM YA IT'S NOTHING IT'LL GO AWAY"
*turns face away very quickly and stands sideways awkwardly, completely suspicious.*
"Uh I gotta go to school now to get my books so I'll seeya later!"
*Runs.*

Guess what ALMOST could have happened half an hour ago.
I almost dropped dead right there on the spot.
The was the most panick I have ever been in in a VERY long time.
I almost cried when I got in my car lol.
Like. Whoa. I almost forgot how bad it would be if they found out.
Not being cocky anymore and wearing my hair up at home.
I've already pushed it too far. I can see that. Sorry God.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another problem has arisen:
My average going into the diploma is 69%.
That's
just
fuckin'
great.
You know first report card I had 84.
Then second I had 77%
And how I have a fuckin 69.
Like what am I going to do.
This means no specialization whatsoever.
But I don't even fuckin' care about that.
It's just like.
Why I am I such a failiure.
I want to blame it all on my teacher.
Because he really does suck in all honesty.
I just wish I could have gotten a better mark.
I'm really worried about university now.

2 down, 4 to go.

! Down % To Go

I laughed so hard at your Haiku...
Like...
Yeah. /And then i blushed @ Dear Jack.
You kinda mean something to me. Nothing big though. :)

1 down
5 to go

Oh ya.
I love Kevin so much.
Like.
Do you ever have those LITTLE moment with your friends just between the two of you; like.
This is going to sound really dumb and gay
but like
man. just. I am so thankful for my kindergarten aurorgy.
I brag to everyone who relevantly knows you too that I've known you for 13 yrs.
Just saying. I love you so much. It's sick.
ANYWAYS. This time I just had a very loving moment with kevin, we share an incredible love for William Smith and the 1990's:

8:56pmKevin
isha
read my note
its important

8:57pmIsha
k i will

+reads+

"Untitled

So I hit her last night. Now I have never hit a girl, but she started talking about my mother. She said that my mother was a drug addict and could never keep a relationship, and I was just like her . Now I know I'm not perfect but she just kept going on and on until I lost it. My fist reared back and I smashed her right in the nose. Her nose started bleeding and she banged her head into the wall.
She and I just sat there for a few seconds and then she freaked out and locked herself in the bathroom. She eventually took off but I haven't heard from the cops yet so I should be ok. I've never hit a girl before so I kind of freaked. I told my mom what I did and my mom got scared

And said "You're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."
I whisted for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and there was dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But i thought nah, forget it!
Yo home to bel-air!
I pulled up to the house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes, smell ya later!"
Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-air "

Kevin
i just thought youd appreciate a nice fresh prince joke

8:59pmIsha
i realluy
really did :)
it has calmed me for my social exam tmr

8:59pmKevin
i find it so funny

8:59pmIsha
lollllllllllllllllllll

8:59pmKevin
its so unexpected

8:59pmIsha
it is like
LOL
lol i cant stop lolling now
i am reading it againginiang

9:00pmKevin
hahahaha






Tee. I r happy four now. You prolly think i r dumbb.
How have you been ?

Where Is Your Boy Tonight ?

I hope he is a gentleman...

uhm.
yeah.
exams again
i guess i'll just count the days for kicks, but at this point it doesnt mean anything.
day by day is there, but it's not really.. concious if that makes sense.
like i am doing it subconciously and not really at the same time.
I think i am going to fail chem and physics.
I havent even started studying for physics.
like.
this
is tough
16?

Dear Larrie:

Everyone is hiding a secret.
Trust. Me.
Dopo. I feel your pain. I ate like SHIT today.
I know exactly why I did it.
I can tell I'm going to gain at least 5 pounds back in the next 2 weeks, perhaps more.
Exams like.
I actually almost started crying yesterday, and I don't even know why.
I was studyiing for a chem unit final and suddenly got the I am going to fail my entire life wave.
And hence almost started crying.
So then I emotionally ate today.
Granted I felt better, and at the same time worse.
So it's lilke.
I could continue till this is over, and just start anew with the new workout and all second sem;
or I could just slow it down and do my best not to eat shit.
I want the second one
Someone
please help me NOT EAT...
uhm what else.
oh ya fuckin exams.
i am going to die a physics death.
and perhaps chem.
and english and social.

It's My Bait, My Words

THE HOOK.

I dunno what to write for my yearbook quote either.
Uhm.
That's about it.
I love dopo's blogs.
and dopo herself

Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Kyle I didn;t make a list
I simply wrote down things that i need to try and accomplish during second semester
because I always forget them
so they are just all there
on the same piece of paper.
in random order.
but it's not a list.

oh ya 18

Avatar, and Facebook Is My Friend.

I applaud the last two.
I don't really know what you're getting into either.
You can't be too Careful anymore...
We know how it ended last time.
Even the trusted are not trustable.

I saw Avatar today with Dopo and others...
I know this is really cooperate and everyone says this and its complete and total conformity,
but go see that fucking movie if you haven't.
It's very.
Very.
Good.
Just go see it. It's. Incredible. I am speechless.

I ate way too much today. I really did.
Need to stop that now.

Hmm.
I was gonna blog something but then I erased it.

Baha
I typed out a better thing,
but just erased it again.
I think I'm gonna keep this one to myself.
Only Kyle can ask me about it if he wants to know.
Actually ask me cz i wanna talk about it with SOMEONE.
Just ask me what I was thinking, key word : 17 yr old BABY.

[ 20 ]

Apparently facebook is not my friend. Say that too.

Believe The News

I'm gone for good.

21 days.

Yesterday I Felt

really excited cuz I had something to blog about,
but now I have completely forgotten.
University is EVERY SO SLOWLY creeping up upon me;
I sent in an application to the goddamn U of A ; next is waiting for a reply or not.
But I don't wanna talk about that.
I am in dire need of my day by day plan.
It fell apart around the end of this semester,
but I NEED IT to survive the next month.
No. The next few weeks.
In fact, exactly the next
22 days, including weekends unfortunately.
I wanted to not count weekends, but I decided to be realistic about it.
All the much more sweeter when it's over.
But the thing is, it's not just 22 days of simply waiting for something to come, or somethign to be over.
It's 22 days of I actually have to study. Every. Single. Day.
I am worried that I will not do well on any of these diplomas. That would be 4.
The huge mains : English, Social, Chemistry, and Physics.
See. Now I could study and have no life and I believe that I would actually achieve an 80% on 3 / 4 diplomas/
If I had that kind aptitude towards this.
I have a particular friend whom I admire more than she will ever tell;
She just. Does her work to a pristene T, never complains about school (for the most part)
studies all the time, does all the homework, does work that is not assigned for marks, checks her answers in class, goes to the teacher after school...
She is doing so much good for herself schoolwise, and she is going to go far with her hard work.
It doesn't seem like hard work to her either. She just does it.
I dunno.
I just wish I had that kind of self discipline, control, willpower to make myself do better.
Because the fact of the matter is I COULD do just as well. I have the mind for it but I don't take advantage.
Instead I'm sitting on my ass staring at a screen talking to nobody on this blog.
In that aspect, I feel like a true loser.
Doing these four diplomas all at once,
seeing how this is either a pass or LITERALLY FAIL AT YOUR LIFE situation.
Because I don't have a second chance to do any of these mighty important courses.
I dunno brah. I just am scared. I lost track of this.
Just breathe.

Alls I got is time,
Got no meaning, just a rhyme.

Diamonds Aren't Forever

Lately I've been lacking the luster - I mean muster- to blog.
I am just incredibly tired.
Incredibly bored of this
I dunno brah
s
I just
Can't wait till this semesters over
I just can;t believe it either
it's like uh oh
cuz i dont wanna leave highschool
it is my shell
my safe
cozy
life doesnt matter you can do mediochre and be just mighty fuckin fine with that life
and i dont want to go into the real world
becasue i am afraid for the first time in my life
of the future.
i know
i am way ahead of myself
yet in a way
not so much huh

And though you're still with me,
I've been alone.
All alone...

Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

Fall Out Boy is ingenius with titles, I'll tell ya.
Seems fitted for new years don't cha think? Well I think so.

So. Blogger seems like the place where I should be giving some long inspirational speech about what I'm going to do in the new year that's going to change my life. Change me. Change who I am, for the better, for the good of man kind, for the good of myself.
And granted, two people here have already done so.
And hella, I LOVED your guys' blogs. Cheers to both of you.
I am super proud of you both, and hope you have it all ♥ . I really do.
I'm just not the type of person to do that for new years specifically.
Reason being is because years before when I did that, my "new" "years" "resolutions" if that's what you want to call them just.
Never. Came true. I never did them. Some sort of conspirical jinx to me is what my paranoid mind thought.
So I quit because I felt like I was just bullshitting myself.
For me it turned out that if I didn't talk about, didn't think about, I just did, what ever it was got accomplished.
So yeah. No resolutions here.
Just whatevever comes up my alley I will grab it and do what I want with it.
I do have one thing that I have started:
I'm saving all my money in my bank account for Mr. Tattie.
No more bank card for me. Whatever goes in there STAYS in there,
and if you DON'T see me using cash rip that puppy out of my hand and stuff it down your shirt.
So far, $172. A long way from my final total that I probably will need, but hey. It's a start. Some chick at the party said it was like having a knife dragged across her back for an hour and half, but it was so worth it.
Is it really. that. bad. ?
I don't know.
Speaking of parties:

Boy T used to say all the time that the never drinks, never touches alcohol. Boy T proceeded to drink over the legal limit, all in good spirits. Boy S loves to get hammered to town, and hey, it's funny as hell. Boy S fell on top of my several times, quite funny, a little painful. Now Boy T was just expressing how he has a fancy towards another girl who shall remain completely unnamed, but Boy T was dissapointed because he felt as though his unattainable princess did not fancy him back! So in Boy T's disillusioned drunk parade (which I believe he was NOT so drunk that he was unable to realize what he would come to do) proceeded to bring Girl K into the room, and slop, drop and roll over her mouth with his. Happy New Years kids! It was a trifle bit of disgusting scenery. Trust me. So in the midst of all this chaos, my wonderful girlfriends and I close our shocked and awed open mouths, and try to move on with the night, which brings us back to Boy S. Now you see Boy S and Girl E are in love you say! Never met before what happened this year, graduation communications and all, Girl E expressed that Boy S was 'like omg super hawt!' which winded down to Boy S who got word of, and decided to ask Girl E the opposing force of in. Anywho, Boy S and Girl E who are in love chased each other around all night, moody, keeping count of mixed drinks and/or shots, for the fun of it or safety, I wouldn't be able to tell. "What's wrong?" Boys S shouted at Girl E. " JUST SIT DOWN FOR MINUTE ALRIGHT?" Boy S commanded; oh, it was a sad sight. I did not enjoy watching. Girl E of course whispered "nothing" in Boy S's ear and the two beings proceeded to become 1, interlocking in a feverishly HORRID makeout session. I really hate when people makeout in public. It's just gross lol! This continued over and over between the two for the rest of the night. Now while we were drinking sparkling apple juice, which is the most taseful fucking drink in the entire world, Boy T was still getting busy. After hap-hazardly fiending with Girl K for quite a long time, he decided to walk out of the room into the hallway to get some air. Here, he passed Girl M, caught one glimpse of her eyes and JUMPED ON HER LOL!!!! That's right friends, second woman of the night, less than 5 metres away from the first. Oh my. Oh my oh my. I thought we were shocked and awed the first time, but turns out the second time is about 50 times more shocking LOL. Oh my. I am still saying oh my to myself and have completely lost track of the story. So. There was that, a lot of crude and nude dancing thanks to yours truly and my girls; just kidding no nude but quite close to it from the shirts Zoe and I were wearing ;) a very good game of Twister, a lot of fake ass licking pictures during, Boy S happened to slap Zoe's ass which I was like LOL WHOA, and then he reached around and well. You can imagine what happened to me. Boy T also gave me a wet one on both cheeks when I left which I loled cuz it was fuckin' funny but kinda yucky.. As did Boy S but hey. Who's complaining. Everyone kissed everyone's cheek at one point or another. So scandolous huh .

TEENAGERS SCARE
THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME
Here's to 2010.