Yesterday I Felt

really excited cuz I had something to blog about,
but now I have completely forgotten.
University is EVERY SO SLOWLY creeping up upon me;
I sent in an application to the goddamn U of A ; next is waiting for a reply or not.
But I don't wanna talk about that.
I am in dire need of my day by day plan.
It fell apart around the end of this semester,
but I NEED IT to survive the next month.
No. The next few weeks.
In fact, exactly the next
22 days, including weekends unfortunately.
I wanted to not count weekends, but I decided to be realistic about it.
All the much more sweeter when it's over.
But the thing is, it's not just 22 days of simply waiting for something to come, or somethign to be over.
It's 22 days of I actually have to study. Every. Single. Day.
I am worried that I will not do well on any of these diplomas. That would be 4.
The huge mains : English, Social, Chemistry, and Physics.
See. Now I could study and have no life and I believe that I would actually achieve an 80% on 3 / 4 diplomas/
If I had that kind aptitude towards this.
I have a particular friend whom I admire more than she will ever tell;
She just. Does her work to a pristene T, never complains about school (for the most part)
studies all the time, does all the homework, does work that is not assigned for marks, checks her answers in class, goes to the teacher after school...
She is doing so much good for herself schoolwise, and she is going to go far with her hard work.
It doesn't seem like hard work to her either. She just does it.
I dunno.
I just wish I had that kind of self discipline, control, willpower to make myself do better.
Because the fact of the matter is I COULD do just as well. I have the mind for it but I don't take advantage.
Instead I'm sitting on my ass staring at a screen talking to nobody on this blog.
In that aspect, I feel like a true loser.
Doing these four diplomas all at once,
seeing how this is either a pass or LITERALLY FAIL AT YOUR LIFE situation.
Because I don't have a second chance to do any of these mighty important courses.
I dunno brah. I just am scared. I lost track of this.
Just breathe.

Alls I got is time,
Got no meaning, just a rhyme.