Just Believe Me When I Tell You It's Alright

I don't even want to listen to this anymore.
I stopped half way through the first song because I don't want to wasted hte feeling I just got.
It actually just shot through my body and made me tear up.
Mckenna you just don't understand. Or maybe you do because you read :)
I just fuckin love this band.
Just.
Fuck.
And fuck all your problems. ( I don't mean it in the offensive way)
Fuck them.
Forget them.
You don't NEED THIS.
You're better than this.
You can get out of this.
This sucks. You think it's going to be like this forever.
Well, it is going to be like this forever if you don't do something about it.
Whatever you're through is going to end when you decide you want it too.
It's only when YOU choose to end this that it will.
If you sit around hoping for your problem to dissapear, it won't.
I don't want you to be the people who make a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole, and convince youreself that you can't see the sun anymore.
It's wrong. You have to realize that this is not what it's going to be like for the rest of your life.
You're the only one who knows what you want to become of this, and how to fix it.
If you think you don't know, you're just lying to everyone here. I'm calling you a liar because it takes one to know one.
You're just not thinking hard enough. And if you think you've thought to much.
Than stop. Just do.
And if you're ashamed of what you've done, don't be. A mistake does not categorize the type of person you are.
Hell, I made a mistake last year that you thought I WOULD NEVER DO, right ? One that ruined my whole Gr. 11 year. But it was ONE mistake. And the person forgave me, because they knew in their heart that it was my mistake. They knew that I didn't mean it to happen, it just did. It was out of my control.
It was out of your control.
But I got back in control.
And you're going to get back in control.
You're are right. All of our friends lives are just terrible. Even ours.
Like. Come on guys. I mean this in the most supportive way I can possibly express:
GROW up.
But let's be honest here. Who am I to spew this inspirational bullSHIT. I am a huge hypocrite...I am the one who needs to grow up, negative connotation. I don't know who I really am.

Do you ?

BRAND NEW EYES ♥

Tomorrow. Eff. :) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm going to re - write this blog okay ?
Because clearly, some people here need help.
And I am the one.
Peace/

Can You Spell Fake ?

I sure can :)
There's even more than one way to spell it !
Kyle knows, Larrie knows, Dorothy knows, Anya knows. Oh heck WE ALL KNOW.
Just kidding we all don't know.
What are you even talking about ?
Yuck.
I want Larrie to answer her txts :(
Fuckin homework INDEED.
I was going to qrite about my epifany (that's not how to spell is it...) with my mother for this writing thing...
Maybe,
something..
else..
or..
that...
or
this.
or Larrie :)

I ♥ MCKENNA

How's that for a mention ? ;)
Wow fuck my mom is walking around like a stalker. It's 2:30 a.m... I HATE how she never falls asleep.
My new peircing is really uncomfortable. I have to keep my hair down because she keeps coming back and forth to yell at me to get off the computer.
I told her, it's past your bedtime dear.
She said, IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME STUPID.
Ah, my family. Fuckin Adams .
K. This is probably going to stir a couple of you, but DONT THINK ANYTHING OF IT. This is just for Mckenna Courtepatte, one of the most beautiful girls in the world.
This blog is souly for you, because personally I wasn't going to write about tonight.
The reason ?
Drunk kids = waste of my time.
Lol ! But if my Mickey wants it, SHE GOT IT !
So here we go.
Oh and this has been edited many times, because it always turns out too harsh and personal.
I know my real feelings can be irrational sometimes. I'm learning.

Man. I just don't know what it is about kids and alcohol.
Why are they (we) so very very attracted to this substance?
Is it the notion of growing up as fast as possible?
Is it that sophisticated adults drink till they puke and pass out ?
Is it the incentive of being COOL. Accepted by your peers?
I didn't know cool was making the biggest ASS out of yourself, and then not remembering but saying "Oh mannnnnnnn I got so fucked up last night, AwEsOmE."
It's only A FEW people who I just cannot stand when dah runk ah runk DRUNK.
I just don't see the point of drinking to that extent.
But if you think it's fun, GO FOR IT :)
I actually don't care anymore. Like. They live their lives, I live mine.
I used to try to intervene because I CARED for them. I hate seeing (some of) my friends in that kind of state.
I even almost tried today, but gave up immediately.
I just don't see the point anymore. Like WHO AM I TO JUDGE . To try.
I am a nobody. Done.
I just know I will never be in that state. I just think it's kinda...sad. (pathetic)
***Now before there are ANY misconceptions, because that tends to happen a lot because apparently I do not communicate enough,
I AM NOT ATTACKING ANYONE ON BLOGGER OR NOT ON BLOGGER . Don't want anyone's comments, as I say, anyone can do whatever they want. I am open and don't give a dayum :) (anymore)
It is just my general opinion. Mckenna asked for this man.
LOL JK :) It's not on you.
But yeah. This has always been an issue that I am uncomfortable with.
I'm getting a lot better at handling it though. I've just become accustomed, and definitely just grown up a bit.
Which I enjoy.
I wish it didn't bother me... but it really is getting better every situation it comes up.
If anyone( AGAIN, GENERALLY) thinks I am super gay and retarded, keep it to yourself please :)
You're the ones who signed up to read blogger!
Mckenna. I hope you enjoyed !
Let me know if you have anymore requests, anytime !
Oh and uh.
ilysm.

EEEYYAAA

I FINALLYGETTO BLOG !!
Haha. I mean Ghetto .
Imsitting in Engrish class, beside my beautful wife Laryssa.
We are writing essays on some stupid short story about girlson the prairie or some dumb fuck like that;
I have finished.
If I must say so myself it is pretty goddamn good.
I mean Tomdamn good.
My teacher is behind me so I'm getting a little nervous.. she might see this !
But not to worry! I will cover it up well.
I have 3 fucking tests tomorrow. Chem quiz, Physics UNIT FINAL,and Social terms quiz.
It's going to be shitty day.
But again, take it day at a time.
Just breathe.
I almost forgot that yesterday.
I started to think about tattoos, grad council, cars, next semester, final exams.
You CANNOT do that.
I need to get back into the routine of day. by. day.
Think flow think flow
Okay. I'm pretty much done.
Again, Larrie is hot.
Fuck.
I'm happy :)

Dear Isha

TAKE
IT
DAY
BY
DAY

REMIND ME

since i am a busy dedicated gr. 12 student
also known as I HAVE A SHIT LOAD OF PHYSICS ET SOCIAL
I will post a fabulous picture blog about:
Manson
Prmr
Vote
Tights (hopefully)
My grad council picture
Grad council
old fall out boy
For
Jobs I want in second sem
how I dont want to think about second sem
me
Halloween
Prmr
Metric
Prmr
How there is a subliminal msg in here
Read Kyle's longest blog ever
Read JDan's newest/old
Uhm
post
post
post

Shallow Hal

I will title every blog that is shallow, Shallow Hal, so you know that it's nothing important to read.

You can still read though if you wanna :)

k.

So.

I'm going to buy Marilyn Manson's autobiog tmr. I can't wait.

I understand Felicia's obession. He. IS> gorgeous........ he is just so intelligent.. his opinion can never be shaken.. i just really admire that. And his music is just so. What I need right now. Just fuckin raw.

I always had respect for him, but never. loved him.

I have come around.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(that's an MIA song.)

I also want black tights that oh, DO NOT RIP everytime I wear them ?

H&M perhaps ?

Also.

I like my construction worker friend.

We always smile wave to each other when I pass by in le car.

I hope the LRT thing doesnt finish soon so he won't be there anymore.

His 2 front teeth have a gap, proving that NO ONE is perfect,

but otherwise.

HE

LOOKS

LIKE

THIS:

This is Jesse Williams, the naked model one of the Sister's Of The Travelling Pants falls in love with in the second movie.

My construction man is his identical twin, minus the teeth thing.

I love him :)

October titles will be names of celebrity men i think are abnormally attractive and would like to have sex with. It will be graphic.

November, women. :)

Peace.

You Won't Remember Me, But I'll Remember You

RIP : Itchy.

My fuckin fast & furious fighting fish.
Red 'n' blue, just like an Amurican flag mmmmhmm.
Or South Korea. Whichever you prefer.
The way your body from head to tail glistened so magnificently in the water of your tiny cubical home.
The way you would dart at your own reflection, thinking it was another handsome fish.
The way you thrived when I came up too feed you every morning.
And then one day, you did not swim up to the top.
You just sat at the bottom, straing at the ground.
I thought, this is odd, and just sprinkled some food at the top, thinking oh, he'll eat it later.
I got home from school 8 hours later, and the food was still there.
You were still in the same spot, gulping for air.
This continued for one month, all of September. 3 months till December.
Why you stopped eating, I don't know.
Did you think horribly of your self body image? Did you feel the need to become anorexic to be beautiful ?
Did you starve yourself to suffer as people and other fish in poverty did ?
Did you not want to be on this planet any longer?
Did I not take care of you well enough ?
These questions will never be answered.
One thing I know is for sure.
"Goodbye To You (-mb)
Goodbye to everything I knew
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold onto."

Day By Day

After this summer I realized the way I was looking at (well I CAN'T think of a more general term more than) life, was more difficult than it has to be.
I was looking too much ahead, and couldn't stop thinking about how it would all end.
What this meant for that later.
It all became so overwhelming to me, and I knew that I couldn't continue into this schoolyear with that kind of a mindset.
With a course load like mine, if I had let it get to me, I would've been a goner.
So I just decided to tackle school day by gritty day.
I just transcend from one class to the next, only concentrating on that class.
I never think about tomorrow, what we're going to do, how hard it's going to be, how I'm going to fail.
I just take what comes and try to do my very fuckin best, because I need the highest average possible.
Finish, and leave it in the dust. Task accomplished.
This time around, I'm actually doing all of my fucking homework everyday so I don't fall behind.
If I have a relatively good day at school, I celebrate.
More importantly, if I don't, I do not dread on it.
Because I know that tomorrow will be a new day, with new everythings.
I just feel that by living this way, (because school IS life now) I don't get overwhelmed,
I don't get ahead of myself. I have a really big problem with that.
Sometimes I teeter on the edge of going over, but with this method I seem to be able to manage to pull myself back up from it. So it's not that bad :)
I dunno if this made sense to you doraphree, but i tried to share ! :)

Ps JDan, you just proved to me with evidence that Rhonda is the least intellectual ENGLISH teacher in the world, if she did not appreciate your stories. Your. Stories. For fucks,sakes!!!! Your stories. <3

Ps on another note. I attended my first bush party yesterday. Greasy. As. Fuck. However there were some good people there, so it was allll guhd. got broken up at 11:30 by the po-po. It was fun to run away from the five oh. No just kidding I walked right past them. I was really dissapointed and a little shocked at someone who was there. But again, I can't speak for the individual, and they can do whatever they want. I just find it sad when someone has (or should I say had?) such strong morals, and was swayed in an instant by an opressing friend to do something they didn't want to until a certain age.

R-R-R-Rhonda

JDan, when you commented on my last blog, I thought the SAME thing.
It was only because you and I shared this opinion that I decided to actually write this out.
It's not very long.
It's not like I hate her.
It's just that, there's something ABOUT HER...
Just some little thing that just makes me tick.
I feel like her attitude ; no. She has an attitude.
It's almost like, a teenage girl to me.
I just don't like the way she expresses things.
I dunno. It must sound really petty to you. I'm just not fond of her. Sorry.
Actually not sorry. Don't have anything to apologize for.
NOW it just worries me because I don't want to have the mind set of dreading English,
because if you think of something as unbearable, it WILL be unbearable.
(Laryssa that one was for you. *Ldrshp!)
So I'm trying to erase that pretty hard. Just take it day by day.
Like. taking this full semester
Chem30/Physics30/Social30/English30
with this day by day concept is actually the smartest thing I've ever thought of for myself.
It's just so easy. So relaxed. This summer just put EVERYTHING int perspective!
I'm calm. Rational. It's just. So. Easy. :)
I love being in 30 classes. I love being older. In school.
Weeee
There was somewthing else i wanted t blog about...
oh well. i forget.in other news
moustafa is back tmr! and it's his 56th bday tmr as well !
saturday = aly + any day
haha
uhm
again
i'm
tired.
I LOVE MY CONCH!

My Ear Itches :(

WARNING: This blog is as shallow as a shower.

K. I warned you/
The Beautiful : TBL
LOL
Like does that mean the beautiful life : the beautiful life ?
LOL
Mayeb it's SHOWING how pretentious they are to be.
I'm so tired of homework :( lol
I have no deep thoughts
no interest of the mind
no stimutlations
no deprivations
IM
JUST
TIRED
Oh yeah
i was gonna title this blog R-R-R-Rhonda
And say how I dislike Mrs. Reed a little.
But I dont really care anymore .
uhm.
my ear itches
and
i want sum tatties.

PS, RIP.

You truly were one of my favourite actors.

I'm Listening But I Can't Hear a SOUND!

Whenever I touch my new piercing I want to die.
Not because of the pain, oh, that's nothing.
I'm scared that when I keep knocking it, it'll get infected or form keloids.
BE
CARE
FUL
K
?
I'm going to be talking about it for a while. Sorry, it's love, it's love it's love. Make it hurt..

I find it interesting when we blog about each other subliminally.
Or when we try to, my not-so-subtle blogging friends.
Or my mistake, maybe you were'nt trying to be in the first place.
Whatever the case may be, you do it.
To get a release .
To make a point .
To say how you really feel.
Or don't feel at all.
The only reason you blog about us is because we're the only fags on here.
You know they're the only ones who are gonna read it.
And you kinda want them to read it, but you;re afraid they'd figure out it was from you to them.
I like how you think your part of us.
OooooooooooooOooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SO SO SO SCANDALOUS
Just kidding, I don't actually mean that anymore.
At one point I did though.

Man

It's a beautiful September day.

o

oOOooOO

We've got STADIUM LOVE.

High Conch

It kinda feels like an Urban Dictionary term, if you catch my drift.

It kinda sounds like a term down in South Alberta on the rigs.

It kinda seems like Hilter's death command.

It kinda looks like this.

Flash makes me shiny, and I guarantee you it looks 610% better in person, so you'll just have to wait. :)

I drew a red line around it justincase you couldn't see it properly.

Let's Write About Piercings Today. -AN.

I'm so excited, and I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT. - aa.

I just can't believe this.

It feels so good to have this. To have done this.

How can this throbbing little hole in my ear, set in a very odd spot with a blue jewel sitting on top give someone so much confidence?

The experience was a reminder of what something new and exciting feels like. Cuz I sure as hell have forgotten.

The reason was not for you. Not to impress you. Or to prove you wrong. Or to rebel against you. Or to make a statement.

It.

was.

for.

me.

Capital M-E. -tbs.

This was personal. I always wanted something that not many had. Something other than the "normal" piercings if you will. I don't give a damn if you can't see it 95% of the time, something that's out of the ordinary. And my favourite, something that screamoed ISHAA, some oddity that my none friends would/will have.

The way it makes me feel about myself. It's just that little spritz of extra confidence. Just that little bird in my ear (literally) that let's me know that I have something that sets me apart from you.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Laryssa. Wife. Your naval looks like fuckin damn hot.

Your piercing it much more impressive than mine, I'll tell ya that :) And that's perfectly fine.

I admire your reasons for doing it, and I commend you. Don't listen to what anyone says.

I know you feel the same way I do. I know.

Thank you for doing this with me. Really, truly thank you.

Is it possible that we are even better, closer than we already are?

Ending the day sitting at Second Cup drnking unbearable coffee eating double chessburgers, spicy chicken snakwraps with a side of timbits while old men stared at us talking about sex,

we ARE.

Oh ya, meet my newest best friend !
We have become pretty tight in the past day and a half, and I think we will get closer.

It's a Long Road To Ruin,

but everything's gonna be alright. :)

♥ you.

I'll Blog Tomorrow Morning

About my perfect piercing.
She hurts right now,
but no pain no gain eh.
Larrie how does your damn fine naval feel ?

OH DOCTOR ! DOCTOR !

I must have gotten this sick somehow...
I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I want them answered on the spot right now.
Is it serious ?
I'm afraid it is.
Am I gonna die ?
Well son, death is going to catch up to all one day, but yours is coming qicker than ours THAN OURS.
SomethingsImayhavetakenforgrantedagainandagainwellhere'swhatwassaidthen:

Hold your head high heavy heart.

EXPLOSION

I hate blogger
Just kidding.
No seriously/.
I hate it because it brings the worst in people.
But I just can't because it's all I have.
That almost made me happy for a sec.
Today was hard. There's gonna be days like that.
But you gotta keep pluggin' on.
Ps, no one cares about your day.
Why do we even blog ?
Augh I don't even care.
I'm so tired.

Nobody Said It Was Easy

I still love you
I love you more than ever
I love you, but.
I love you but not your attitude.
I love you and MISS YOU.
I still love you
I LOVE you.
I have begun to love you
I love you but don't see you much anymore
I don't know you


You know 2 people have said to my face, "You're not going to get the piercing. Haha."
Who do you think you are to tell me what I am and am not going to do ?
I don't what that's supposed to mean but I find it really fucking rude when someone tries to imply something about me. Like what kind of a thing is that to say someone .
And not JUST for the piercing. Anything for that matter.
*When someone is excited about doing something new, something exciting, something dangerous, something fantastic to THEM, even if it don't mean shit to you, be a friend and support them in WHATEVER they want to do . Why would you even THINK of doing anything else. I just can't understand why.

Okay ? I'm getting REALLY PISSED OFF at why people do that. But fuck it. It's done. I quit comments because I fucking get is negative ones. I'm drowing myself in school and I love it. I love having Chem et Physics et English et Social 30. I feel so fuckin smart even if I fail. I'm going to earn my wheels. Or at least try. I'm going to fail.

It's such a shame for us to part ;
Nobody said it was easy ...
No one ever said it would be so hard...
Oh take me back to the start.
AaoooooooOOOooooooo.

:)

I'm Feelin' Way To Damn Good.

I hate that Nickelback is the only band whom I can expresss my thoughts with.
They're NOT... it's just nothing more {perfect} comes to mind immediately.
And I always go by my first instinct.
Slowly but surely, things have begun to climb back up again, and I'm really happy about it.
We're not...fighting anymore. None of us. It won't last long, but it's wonderful.
Right now is just really. Very. Good.
It took something so detrimental to make me truly appreciate my life.
I'm thankful for this. I really am. It opened my eyes to the fullest extent.
No longer will I misjudge. No longer will I be naive. I'm so aware and I LOVE IT. Just love it.
It gives me a sense of satisfaction that you can't trick me anymore.
It's the biggest comfort blanket/cushion/condom in the world.
SONiC BOOM is tomorrow. This is second tier to Paramore et City & Colour.
This summer & extended has literally been the most fantastic period of concerts

1:15 - ill Scarlett
2:15 - TAKING BACK SUNDAY
4:45 - Metric
6:15 - Franz Ferdinand
7 :45 - Alexisonfire
9:15 - Billy Talent

You'll know what I'll be doing all day tomorrow , to the T. All Day With It, more likely.
It's an ill Scarlett thing.
An interesting piece of news :
Laryssa & I have booked appointments to get a piercing of sorts. What, you won't know till you see us afterwards. Maybe I'm getting a Christina. Maybe she's getting a Isabella. (Look those up if you dare.) Maybe our tongues. Maybe the nostril. Maybe a couple auricles. Maybe a nipple or a nostril. Maybe none of that. Maybe all of that.
The appointment is for next Friday, September 11th.
Marilyn Manson for Felicia.
Parent's anniversary for Blair.
Labour Day Rematch game for Rosemary.
The day a part of the world came crashing down. And I don't just mean the Trade Towers.
- As for school... it's OKAY. ChemPhysicsSocialEnglish30 ain't the most interesting semester. It's going to be drawn out, and incredibly hard. But I am so ready for it. I'm going to work my ass off and earn that car.
Wait what ?'
Just close your mouth.
Live.
He doesn't look a THING like Jesus ...

California...

CaliforniAAAAAA....
HERE WE COMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOHOHHHHHHH

I actually really enjoy the fact that I can see straight through you.
I still love you. People will hate me for it.
Dear mom: Please don't eat me while dad is gone.
Ew I can't call Moustafa dad. It's just unnatural.
Did I tell you he's leaving, TONIGHT ?
' Great.
Just fuckin great.
I know for sure I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight.
Good news, Itchy seems to be... eating...
A worm a day. I need to find a pet store that sells oNLY blood worms...
It's looks like its gonna RAYYYYYYYYYNE
Bring On The Rain larrie.

S
N
U
G
?

I Jacked Off From KLiv.

I'm serious. I stole this iPod quiz form his blog. But.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Yeah I made it a fucking sexual inuendo.
I couldn't fucking help it. It was just the perfect oppurtunity.
Love you boy :) LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
You're laughing right now. I know you and Larrie will laugh at this.

01. What Was Your First Day Of Summer Like?
Build God, Then We'll Talk. - P!ATD. Very relevant, think about it.

02. Did You Make Any New Friends This Summer?
Waiting... - City & Colour. Yup.

03. Did You Lose Any Friends This Summer?
Straightjacket Feeling - AAR. " Yesterday was hell, but today I'm fine without you; Run away this time without you; and all I ever thought you'd be, that face is tearing holes in me." (That's a fuck yes.)

4. Did You Go Anywhere?
Helter Skelter - The Beatles. Haha.

05. Did You Miss Anyone?
Salute Your Solution - The Raconteurs. Kind of.

06. How Do You Feel About The Heat?
It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Death Wish - MCR. Haha yup!

07. Did You Experience Any Summer Love?
Heart Attack - Sum 41. ♥ Absolutely true.

08. Any Summer Heartbreak?
Season - The Academy Is... Correct. It was the season for heartbreak. But, "This is now who I am." :)

09. How Will You Remember This Summer?
We've Got A Big Mess On Our Hands - The Academy Is... HAHAHHA. Exactly that.

10. Did You Do Anything That Got You Into Trouble?
We Are The Fabrication - My American Heart. :S

11. Did You Have Any Drama/Fights This Summer?
Party Up In Here - DMX. "All over some dumb shit, ain't that some shit ?" Yeah man, contrary to what you thought, the song actually fit.

12. What Did You Learn This Summer?
Chelsea Smile - BMTH. True. I learned how to be better. Dunno about you but it made me smile.

13. What's This Year's Summer Anthem?
This Is Our Town - We The Kings. Cute :)

14. How Did You Spend The Last Day Of Your Summer?
The Wars End - Rancid. EEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAA PERFECT.

15. Would You Spend Your Summer Differently If Given The Chance?
She Makes Dirty Words Sound Pretty - Pierce The Veil. In other words, yes.

16. Any Regrets This Summer?
Sunshine Superman - Donovan. Too many regrets for shuffle to make sense of it.

17. What's Your Back-To-School Outlook?
War Sucks, Let's Party! - Anti-Flag. YES, YES, YES.

We could cut up,
and you can SHUT UP.

SUMMER ` 09

A re-cap, if you will :

-Definitely the worst summer I've ever experienced.
Why it had to happen that way, I'll never know.
-Amongst all the shit, however,
the universe combated with things that made me want to live A Little Bit Longer.
You want to know why ? Because EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
-The day it happened, Jonez happened. That was so I didn't take the easy way out and overdoes on my dad's anti-depression pills.
-Midway through the disaster, I was graced with Paramore, a la No Doubt. The fact that I was in the vicinty of them. To see my one and only true lover(s). The one(s) who could actually NEVER let me down. The one(s) who inspire the most, and encourage me to live better. Longer. The only thing that pulled me out of the deep end.
-After that, I repaired my relationship with FT. That's definitely the tie for best thing that happened this summer, up against looking into Hayley Williams' eyes, looking at mine. ♥ *sighhh. I am more thankful than you can ever imagine about she and I. Both.
-OH.EL.PEE. Our Lady Peace. Our motherfucking Lady Peace. Never have I felt a connection deeper between a band and their crowd. I repeat, NEVER ! Not even prmr and ME. Like. It was. A ritual. I was entranced. I grabbed Raine Maida's hand. I'll never forget that show. Never in a million years. Never Say Never.
-FOB. Seeing FOB & Blink. It was great. It was just a flat out good show. Especially since actually hearing Patrick Stump live made me remember that I still like boys,,. Also, Please just don't play with me, my paper heart will bleeed!
-August was drab. Gave up the job search. I can't remember anything that happened.
- 3 people got me through this summer. Two of you on here, one not. You know who the fuck you are. I could never ask for more help than I got from you. You were the other half that pulled me through. You got me to the other side, and I am standing up tall. I am better. I might be stronger. I am aware of people, their actions, and consequences. Ah, it's good to reflect.
-My mom is a bitch :) I've never seen a true bitch like her. Because she is nice somtimes, then Lucifer the next. It's 6:34 A.M. and she's yelling in my ear. But I'm not listening as I am clearly pit-pattering away at my keyboard. I know that I don't like my mother, but I love her. It's the way it is. It may be selfish. She gave me life. But no one deserves to hear the things she says to me on a constant. Her words may not mean SHIT, but it still hurts to come from the person who gave you your life. Ironic, huh ? For instance - she is saying to me right now that she doesn't give a shit about what I think, and that she can say to me whatever she wants. Yeah. I can't believe I haven't O.D'd on Moustafa's pills. Like sometimes I just want to kill myself to spite her. It's the only way to truly show her how terrible she actually is. I can honestly not explain in person how it is here. I know it's not the worst homelife, but it's in the top 10. For the longest time I've wanted to buy a tape recorder, to see REALLY which one of us is the crazy one. Guess who my bet is on.
- I have been all around happy for the past few days. I've never felt so alive. I wish I never have to go back to the place I was. I won't, but it gets close sometimes. I don't want to feel sad. I don't. Don't don't don't.
Then don't. Simple as that.
+ I just want to say that I believe in you . If something is making you feel like shit, unworthy, untrusted, un-ANYTHING, change and move past it. Don't wait for anything that is slowing you down. Seasons change but people don't. You're the one that has to make the effort. It sucks, you always wish THEY would be the ones who would change for you. YOU are the change for YOU. If you need me, I will actually be always there for you. Always.

Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, Always. Kiss you, taste you, all night, Always.

Love Isha.
P.S...
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SQUIRREL .