SUMMER ` 09

A re-cap, if you will :

-Definitely the worst summer I've ever experienced.
Why it had to happen that way, I'll never know.
-Amongst all the shit, however,
the universe combated with things that made me want to live A Little Bit Longer.
You want to know why ? Because EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
-The day it happened, Jonez happened. That was so I didn't take the easy way out and overdoes on my dad's anti-depression pills.
-Midway through the disaster, I was graced with Paramore, a la No Doubt. The fact that I was in the vicinty of them. To see my one and only true lover(s). The one(s) who could actually NEVER let me down. The one(s) who inspire the most, and encourage me to live better. Longer. The only thing that pulled me out of the deep end.
-After that, I repaired my relationship with FT. That's definitely the tie for best thing that happened this summer, up against looking into Hayley Williams' eyes, looking at mine. ♥ *sighhh. I am more thankful than you can ever imagine about she and I. Both.
-OH.EL.PEE. Our Lady Peace. Our motherfucking Lady Peace. Never have I felt a connection deeper between a band and their crowd. I repeat, NEVER ! Not even prmr and ME. Like. It was. A ritual. I was entranced. I grabbed Raine Maida's hand. I'll never forget that show. Never in a million years. Never Say Never.
-FOB. Seeing FOB & Blink. It was great. It was just a flat out good show. Especially since actually hearing Patrick Stump live made me remember that I still like boys,,. Also, Please just don't play with me, my paper heart will bleeed!
-August was drab. Gave up the job search. I can't remember anything that happened.
- 3 people got me through this summer. Two of you on here, one not. You know who the fuck you are. I could never ask for more help than I got from you. You were the other half that pulled me through. You got me to the other side, and I am standing up tall. I am better. I might be stronger. I am aware of people, their actions, and consequences. Ah, it's good to reflect.
-My mom is a bitch :) I've never seen a true bitch like her. Because she is nice somtimes, then Lucifer the next. It's 6:34 A.M. and she's yelling in my ear. But I'm not listening as I am clearly pit-pattering away at my keyboard. I know that I don't like my mother, but I love her. It's the way it is. It may be selfish. She gave me life. But no one deserves to hear the things she says to me on a constant. Her words may not mean SHIT, but it still hurts to come from the person who gave you your life. Ironic, huh ? For instance - she is saying to me right now that she doesn't give a shit about what I think, and that she can say to me whatever she wants. Yeah. I can't believe I haven't O.D'd on Moustafa's pills. Like sometimes I just want to kill myself to spite her. It's the only way to truly show her how terrible she actually is. I can honestly not explain in person how it is here. I know it's not the worst homelife, but it's in the top 10. For the longest time I've wanted to buy a tape recorder, to see REALLY which one of us is the crazy one. Guess who my bet is on.
- I have been all around happy for the past few days. I've never felt so alive. I wish I never have to go back to the place I was. I won't, but it gets close sometimes. I don't want to feel sad. I don't. Don't don't don't.
Then don't. Simple as that.
+ I just want to say that I believe in you . If something is making you feel like shit, unworthy, untrusted, un-ANYTHING, change and move past it. Don't wait for anything that is slowing you down. Seasons change but people don't. You're the one that has to make the effort. It sucks, you always wish THEY would be the ones who would change for you. YOU are the change for YOU. If you need me, I will actually be always there for you. Always.

Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, Always. Kiss you, taste you, all night, Always.

Love Isha.
P.S...
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SQUIRREL .