AYayAYayAYay

Jus liv ya lyfe .
I have so many things to do today :(
Gotta budget my time well .
I hope Ellie surprises me with a visit.
Pce .

Luv Luv Isha.

REAL CONFIDENCE BOOSTER

--I had a great time at Tessa's last night . (L)
Cute Boy(s) , Sexy Dancing , Hawt Tubz , Half Naked Kevin , CANDY , swings in doors, Megan peeing outside, soaked socks , ping pong. Good times all around . Cheers :) I love Highschool.

In Other News :

Apparently , I do not dress like a gurl , I am not pretty enough, I think I am a male .
APPARENTLY I'M A LESBIAN BECAUSE I WORE A HAT WITH MY HAIR UP WHEN IT WAS CURLY AND I WORE MY PLAID SHIRT AND PANTS TO THE PARTY .
Apparently all my "friends" talk about how ugly I always look behind my back . Yeah .

Moustafa , you can be a real dick sometimes .
Way to make me feel so down about myself , honestly .
Guys, I know what he said is not true , but it still hurts SO MUCH to have him utter wretched things like that to someone .
You should be fucking happy that I don't have my boobs hanging out all over the place and am up against the boys like they're a strip poll .
Fag ='( . Appreciate what you got .
I happen to think I look really cute when I have curly days , and my clothes are what make me me.
And you fucking idiot ;
I LOVE BOYS MORE THAN YOU KNOW . [Lol, but still. Girls make me sick to my stomach. I feel sorry for boys . Girl are fugly bitches. Only M.A.S. 4 me hehe Kyle !]
Continuing , You Asshole .
Friends, it is true . Moustafa is an arrogant SOB at times , and now you know.
It's not all fun and games with him.
Oh , and guess what ! Of course Mumsies didn't back me up one single bit .
Sorry Ellie , I made a sad blog again after I promised I wouldn't.
But you've got to be fucking kidding me . This is riDICulous.
Dorothy , what do you think ? Tell me on msn ;)

"I put my faith in you , SO MUCH FAITH and then you,
just threw it away . "

--Isha .

Black Mamba

• Book in car Driver's training
• Get rid of the Monster (Painful Dermatology Oppointment)
• American Apparel Sweater (Grey)
• Any other sweaters and maybe the jacket from Divine
• Patch Up Holes in Room / Take down all posters
• Clean Bathroom
• Get paint / start painting
• Have that amazing party !
• Find career
• Find ****
• Stay =]

* White = Done .

Oh Hai Dorothy ?

I actually love your advice :)
You are my Chicken Soup For The Soul .
I'm going to need you forever <333333333333333333333

"SHADOWSSSSSS AND REGRETS
We let go of the rest ."

Luv Luv Isha .

I Fly like Paper, Get High like Planes

This goes against my one blog a day rule , but it's needed .
So Felicia called me, and I kinda forgot what I was going to say about today .
It was going to be really long and drawn out , but now I'm talking to Kyle Cutie on facebook,
and I downloaded as much M.I.A. as I could find, so I'm pretty distracted with these wonderful friends of mine .
EeKay . Omigosh, I was silly today .
Fake tears over fake feelings ? How silly of me. I know you say not to apologize , sorry .
That was the first time I ever did that , I promise you . I am not THAT pathetic .
It was one of those emotional days for me I guess . It was shocking , I had no idea .
I need not start it up again , all my true feelings were revealed in the txts and phone call to come later .
I really did need that .
The dream apperently brought up some sub-conscious thoughts that I guess the letter and my smile were suppressing , but now you know .

Brutal Honesty :
I don't want to see him at school anymore .
I don't want to resurrect these unreal feelings anymore.
I want to forget about him comepletely, but I don't want you to hold back if it moves forward.
I want to be there for you like you are for me . Always .
I want to find my "Jack Meadows" in good time , naturally , and it's gonna be the best friendship that turns into epic relationship .
I love you E , so much my heart will proably explode sooner than I thought . I freaked out a bit for no reason . I'm not one to judge , or feel jealous of .You're one of the best people I've ever known , and I want, no need to keep our friendship forever . There's only like 15 or so people I want , NO NEED that to happen with , including FT/KJL/MAS/AA/KS/BK/DP, you , the works . Again I say Ellie Korchaaaa____ , please stay with me forever . *BlushieTear*

Let's be honest with ourselves ; how many who I've met haven't loved me soon after :)
I guess those feelings today proved I'm human afterall .

"Close your eyes and make believe , this is where you wanna be ...
Forgetting all the memories , try to friggen love 'cause love's forgotten me ."

Luv Luv Isha

I swear to God .

If I don't find anyone by the time I'm 18 , I'm getting a tattoo of ONE of the quotes that has carried me through my lonely life.
Not on my right calf, that's for the big TYGA ;)
Not on my wrist is for my first , the swirly Gemini sign .
Maybe my lower back, so it'll really sting . I mean ring .
Maybe my foot , no , or along my right arm on the underneathish side .

Can't always get what you want .

Life seems to be so repetitive right now .
The only thing I consider new and exciting , is meeting someone new and exciting .
And since THAT'S CLEARLY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN,
Live your life . AYayyAYayyAYayy Jus live ya lyfe .

Find an exit now .
Luv Luv Isha

REGISTERED .

For driving school bitches =D !
In class : three SIX HOUR DAIZ last week of XMAS holiidaiiz , 9AM-3:30PM .
In car : _______________ Must call like as soon as i'm off this comp.

Things To Do :

• Move out of room
• Buy ze paint
• Sand down holes in ze wallz
• Draw the patterns avec Elina
• Paint ze wall
• Buy the Clock / BedFrame / Side table / Desk / Chair
• Do other shit that I can't remember now
• I'm so tired.

Pce

Luv Luv ishaa .

I love you

But I don't like you .
I've come to that peaceful conclusion about mother.
It's okay . I'm going to always be the bigger person now .
I can live again .

Error Operator . (We can't go back)

Luv Luv Isha

Words Defy The Plan

When I can ,
I will .

Heeeeeee I love when The Academy Is... does Smashing Pumpkins covers.
But I hate it when iTunes stops .
How've you been blogging world ?
I haven't visited for 2 effing days ! Crazy .
Nothing eventful has happened of course, nothing that stuck in my mind and I HAD to remember from these past 2 days .
Only that I'm getting addicted to excercising again . Releasing my endorphins ? Yum :) .
No new boys or toys , just the forbidden which will never happen .
But maybe BK is right . Well , not completely , because I do want to have a relationship sometime soon .
This fucking horoscope -- sorry Ellie ilu but. --

"This is the week where single Geminis may well meet someone new. The planetary theme for the next seven days is change for the better, and since the various influences will continue to zone in on romance, you should make the most of every social occasion; declining an invitation could mean missing out. Follow your heart, not your head, when it comes to love. "

HAH :
-Meet someone new ? That's never going to happen , I only meet new girl(friends).
-Zone in on romance , oooooooooo. Please.
WELL . Kay , I did get invited to Lisa Whalen's LRM b-day party thing. And it's going to be a party party, and that's not really my scene. Like at all . Is that really where I want to meet my perfect one Mr. Horoscope ? I don't think so . There are a few people I know that are going , Zoe, Angela, Lisa , Jessica C , Jessica Z, and Shub ; all of which who will be getting piss drunk . I'm not in for that . Guess I'm "MISSING OUT" . My bad .
- Follow my heart . My big , dissapointed, swelling heart that would jump at moment to give a good boy real love, but is never given the chance ?
-Love . I love you . Some of dem bishes (M.L.F.) Blarvin , & Dee .

Life . I'm hungry . SEE YA <3

Luv Luv Isha .

Swirly Goodness In Tree Form

DESICIONS DESICIONS .
So many to make =(
At least I got some time with you today.
It's needed on a regular basis .
Time to go excercise so I can maybe keep something constant in my life .
=] Getting Healthier . Pce .

Luv Luv Isha .

No not this time ....

No blogs today children , for today I have to study for a big Bio test .
Study away for a future that I don't where it's heading .
It's 8 :11 now , I should go .
All I wanna do though ,
is sing loudly to articulate and beautifully angry Paramore songs,
and Danse Macabre to coooool illScarlett jams .,
drink some tea ( Earl Gray of course!)
and chill to the empty home I am confined in .
Confined is the wrong word . Blessed with . There we go .
It's nice not having to listen to the biggest negative black hole sitting beside me complain about every . single . thing . known to man .
Oh folks , that'd be me mams! If you hadn't known .
It's wrong to say bad things about the person who gave you life .
I am a sinner . Lover&Drunk , as Alexisonfire would say . (Fans get my drift)
I wish you were over . And you means you . Saturday :)
Breathe , live , find him .

Luv Luv Isha .
<3

Decode

About 15 minutes earlier I posted a very cynical blog about my horoscope .
It's funny because I had a relatively good day , pretty normal which I hate , but I was fairly happy for the most part .
As soon as I sat down to this computer and began putting words to screen , they all suddenly became very muffled and angry , for no apparent reason .
Maybe it was like my automatic internal vent or something .
But I deleted it , figured I better not be so angry at nothing .
Everything is going pretty fine , no big .
I was a bit stressed yesterday , as you could tell .
I dunno where I'm going , but it better be somewhere good .
Somewhere great .
----------------------
LOL ! I just was on nexo reading Dorothy's friends blogs ,
one of the titles was " && I think I'm adorable =P "
with 2 pictures of herself ?
WHO>DOES>THAT>>>>>>>>
LOL sorry Dorothy if she's your bff but . LOL . That's just . Kinda self centered to me but I've probably done something similar haha .
God . People just make me laugh sometimes .

OH YA AND ELLIE CAN YOU PLEASE NOT TELL ME TO LOOK AT JM CUZ IT JUST SETS MYSELF FOR DISSAPOINTMENT SO I'D RATHER WE NOT BRING HIM UP .
And I mean really try not to this time .
I can't do it anymore =( . And I'm not going completely out of my way to "try and talk to him" .
It doesn't work like that for me , and I also feel it too unnatural .
Plus he was with the girl this afternoon .
-Time Shall Tell -

Luv Luv Isha .

It's true .

I currently feel ...
Uninspired .
I don't feel like continuing to try and do well in school ,
it just feels like it's all slipping away for some reason .
It could be that I don't know what I'm going to do after highschool . I mean , I don't have a dream to work hard for , nothing to strive towards .
I literally have no clue whre my life is going , no stability . Nothing to hope or believe in , just Dorothy :)
My mind just seems to drift somewhere else these days . It's weird , and I can't concentrate on anything that's important in real life .
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been sitting with this blog for 30 minutes now trying to write something else , but all I could do was listen to some Paramore and talk to BRK & Dee , and stare blankly at this computer screen .
Maybe that's all I need to do .
I need to relax and not take life too seriously . Just do the best I can . (Y) <-- thumbs up on MSN .
But the best is not good enough right now .
Sleep . Do better.

Luv Luv Isha .

Mama

We're all full o' lies .
Mama , we're meant for the flies .
Stop asking me questions ,
I hate to see you cry !
Mama , we're all full of lies .

Count Your Blessings .

JonesTown Massacre.

Look it up if you think YOUR having a bad day .
Novemeber , 1978 . Guyana , South Africa .

Jim Jones , a reverend at the time , told the 900 hundred people - including 300 children - of the town at the time that they were no longer worth living for ,

and convinced them to drink cyanide to die a death of dignity and peace .

Jones told the people it would be a quick and painless death , sweet in taste, amongst the screaming children's voices who were injected with cyanide instead of drinking the deathly cocktail laid out for the other civilians in a huge metal basin .

Effects of Cyanide include : Extreme difficulty in breathing , Cardiac Arrest and Seizure .

I watched the CNN documentary on this yesterday with Moustafa . 20th anniversary , surviors described the horror of the genocide , along with picutres and videos footage .

Bone shattering , mind bogling , riveting , disgusting .

Count. Your . Blessings .

NO MORE SAD BLOGS .

YOU . MY GOD, YOU .
I'm starting to think that my soulmate actually isn't a male , afterall .
I actually had no idea you were going to do that . Caught me off by surprise , and that's what I needed . Honestly , know one does that kind of thing for me just randomly. Completely . RANDOMLY . =] That is so you . It's funny because I say the exact same thing about you when you say , "Did he really look ? =( Guess he wasn't . I look so bad today . " YOU LOOK GREAT EVERY MO FUCKIN DAY . Lol honestly . I think we're going to be telling each other that for the rest of our lives , but I don't mind . Anything for you . I swear . A n y t h i n g . I'm sooo glad we found each other. It's weird how a bond comes between two people . And I'm not just talking between us , I'm talking about the special one I have with EACH and EVERY FRIEND of mine . I am a lucky gurl , sure am . Each one is completely different , and it feels just right . I can't ever express this in words enough though . I'm always afraid of expressing too much love for you , but then you always turn it right around for me and do something like you just did . So now I feel completely and utterly safe with you . As you should with me. I s'ppose you are . You and I seem to be joined at the hip ....
I hope it stays that way for good .

AS FOR THE GEEZER THING . What can I say ? I mean . Boys are stupid . They are statistically show to be 2 years ahead --- I MEAN BEHIND ( get my reference to your video =] ?) --- of girls smartness and mentally . They won't ever fully understand what we want . Sweetie , and I mean SWEET-TEA . I know he seemed like he was perfect . All the same interests , oh he's gorgeous and slim , his life "planned" out ? His only issue , the thing you were searching ever so hard for in the beginning so you wouldn't like him , (fail lol!), was that he knows WAY too many girls that aren't you . In truth , I know oh too well what it feels like to like someone so much , and to have not let him know and it has become too late . NOT THAT IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU , cuz it certainly does not mean you cannot make good friends with him first . I mean , that's how it starts doesn't it ? But I just . When you were sad this afternoon I actually could NOT think of a thing to say because I was just so distraught that one boy brought you down . The look on your face hurt my heart , and I was actually glad the Graham blocked your view . This is quite selfish of me to ask you to stop thinking about him ; and I just had a run it with forbidden JM too . I dunno cutie . All I want to say really is that HE IS NOT THE ONLY BOY EVER AND IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD ! For one, I'll always be there :) . Now , you can't get the satisfaction of physical attraction from just me , I know . But the affection part is there 5000% . Literally . Dearest , you get so many chances at boys , and oh how the jealously trickles in me ! Not like I hate you jealously , just darn, that girl's got what the boys want ! So you shouldn't be too too sad that one kid that didn't attach to you as quickly as you wanted him too let you down . There's no reason that you should panic that you won't meet him either, if in the end you still desire his soul to be one with yours . Because since you have the mad connection with me to him , it's not like it's impossible .

Lover . Just calm down , take a minute , breathe . Don't get ahead of yourself , all good things will come in time . That's what I've learned to live by , and for me , it works . I love you to the end of time kid , don't go away alright ? I hope this helped you .

Luv Luv Isha .

P.S. HI DOROTHY <3 !!

Lost And Found .

I found a flaw my character today .
I'm afraid of change .

I'm afraid of trying to become someone I'm not .I mean . I feel like I'm in a rut right now ,
nothing excites me , nothing makes me really feel incredible . Coming over to take down the posters today EK , and you rushing it , I felt RUSHED ! I mean , don't ge tme wrong . EYE / ELL / YU . But like , even thought this seems like a minimal thing , I am freaked out . A change in room , adding color and life to my effortless room , it's what I want , what I feel like would be a good thing for me . Taking down those silly band posters that I didn't even like was for the best . Just having everything the same for so many years, and literally ripping them down, I was just liek "Whoa." But it's done, it's over with , and change is coming . Convince me that this is going to be amazing in the end and that I won't regret it , like the best friend that you are =]. Kayp ?
This is like the time I drastically changed my style , and especially my hair . All the besties from Aurora remember, the birds nest as Pardeep so lovingly called it . I knew that if I had kept the way I looked forever , I would not move forward as a person . I would not be able to live my life the way I do now , prouder of the way I look, my style , the person I have become and am still becoming . I think though , starting Monday . Since I cannot go running outside , I will start excercising every single school day (5 days) in thee mother fucking home . I could yearn to loose a few pounds . This will give me something to look forward too , something to accomplish maybe ? No goal weights , that's too dissapointing . But maybe we really should do this instead of sitting around at home when you get there from your spare . Actually do something . This is going to make me feel better .
Ah , change . Another change I am afraid of is the one thing I supposedly "desire" the most . A . Relationship . I over think it , and I am wayy to insecure and indecisive about myself . I get cocky and oversensitive , think he's lookin' at me , when in reality, he's probably not . *Sigh* " I want someone provocative and talkative but it's so hard when you're shallow as a shower ." Well said CIWWAF. I don't think I'm THAT shallow though , I feel like I have some depth and am somewhat of a decent person who can interest people . At least I hope.

I guess all I'm saying is . Today I feel insecure about myself .

Luv Luv , Isha .

Lest We Forget .

August __ , 1914 - November 11 , 1918 .
Rest In Peace .

If I'm Just Bad News, Then You're A Liar

Guys . This past weekend has been incredible .

-1! .For number one , first of all , first and foremost ?
I deleted my nexopia account . Amazing isn't it !
Farewell {M}akeDamnSure; . You were great while you lasted.
But I figured , it's time to grow up , get out, and get fresh .
I had lost faith in blogging for about a week , I didn't know what to say and where to say it , but now that that's gone , I can focus my full energy on this BlogSpot , and give to me , and you , the reader , the best blogs I can . I love writing . It gives me a way to share my interest in the world , and a way to express myself. I know you like it ;)
-2@. Sleepover @ Ellie's , Epic Exciting Eccentric.
--MAC makeup/PENCILSHARPENER , trip to Whyte , in search of the baseball shirt , scarf and the man & woman bookends ? ALL found, proud of us. =]
---A stop at Cargo & James Tea . A great little place in Edmonton , if you're into that sort of thing .Not for the snooty, sophisticated type , but more for the ones who are looking for a gentle , calm and quiet place ( WHO PLAY DRAGONETTE SONGS IN THE CAFE!) to chat with best friends , drink Early Gray & the best Cappucino he could make , eat sausage & veggie rolls warmed up from the heart , and devour caramel and mint Blondies that make your mouth just plain orgasm .
---Staying up 'till 3 o'clock in the morn , watching The Happening, then freaking out for 2 hours over the Mayan fucking calender (2012) , Vanga, the Ванга fortune teller who predicted the bombing of the World Trade Towers , WWIII in 2010 after 4 attemps of assination on 4 major political leaders (European), the first black president to be the last president of the United States EVER ? , etc. etc. and how we were going to die pretty soon . Yeah , we're dumb, but it makes a good story .
---Muddled & burnt pancakes in the morning , of Mickey Mouse , bow ties, butterflies , flowers, mis-shapen hearts , horses , stomachs, and food ol' rectums as her dad said so. Covered with bananas, chocolate icing, syrup, butter , orange and strawberry jam. Milk & Chocolate milk included .
---Turn it around, go back to the mall for jackets , come home with an amazing vest and a shade of red, seeing the forbidden boy & trying to chase but fail, (JM)! Momz histerical as usual , delrious and to the point. Cats, cuddling , couch , lean Cuisine? End to a perfect day.
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Be careful and wise in choosing who your friends are . You wouldn't be much without them .
They create you, just like I am creating this blog . This is the new era in my life , a turning point, and according to my horscope , something incredible should happen on Wednesday and crash Sunday , but I am skeptical, so we'll see .
Thank you Ellie for being you and being with me . Don't ever leave .... I'm serious .
And Oh Hai , it's snowing now .

Luv Luv, Isha .

Everytime I Wanna Post A Blog On Nexopia

But I don't .
Which makes me sad because I think no one reads them anymore ,
but it's so much easier than this thing .
If you read my blog , make yourself known !
(To me at least. It would make me tres happy :] )
So, there was this boy I thought I kinda liked .
I here a lot of things about him , and that he already has a gurlfriend .
I truly and honestly respect that. Thinking to myself today , I analyzed my feelings about him .
There are none. I only was taken back by his pretty, pretty face . I don't know anything else about him , only rumors through others , and we have never personally personally met . And that is fine with me , for I want to actually meet my perfect boy and have him fall in love with me right of the bat . When I find him , I'll actually know it's him .
So Ellie can we please stop talking about him for further notice and so I can stop tricking myself into thinking I like him ?
Mmkay , thanks :) .
I want my Jack Meadows , but real life version .
Mmmmhmmmmmmm. <333333

First Snow Fall In Edmonton =D ?

And I have a lot of feelings to sort out .
Pce it , and make Ellie's birthday present .
What will it be ?
WHO KNOWS .
How was your day ?

I'm Canadian , Yet I Feel Incredibly Proud .

History was made yesterday guys . It's incredible to me .

I feel like the world is really going to change somehow .

Hope is coming , change is here .

A new start of things come ?

Change in my life , particularly ?

A boy , perhaps ? (blush) I dunnooooo.

But I wish . Ever so dearly .

Can I handle it ?

Sleeping Sickness

Eeeep !
So this is my first blog ever on this blogspot thing.
It feels really weird because it doesn't have the same feel as the blog from Nexopia , which I am most infamous for . Anyways do people really read these things ?
I don't really understand how this thing works . Ellie help?!
Oh p.s. kids , Ellie Korchagina has become one of my absolute best friends .
This gurl is the deepest and truest person I have known, other than myself .
No jks jks ! I'm not shallow or self preserved , I promise you that .
But continuing , though we only truly became friends this year , I feel as if I've known her for the same amount of years as my other best friend , Felicia Tam .
There are so many things I could say about you Ellie , so many that I cannot put them down on paper . (Computer) .
I just feel as if we are connected so very tightly , and I do not want to lose you . Ever .
Please, just be my best friends until I die, okay ? I read ALL your blogs today , I felt so treasured . I love you with all my heart EKay , I honestly , completely and truly do .
Oh god I wish this thing had emoticons like Nex :( Does it ?!
Though things with FT have been patchy this week , I have come to find that I am a COMPLETE idiot , and nothing was ever wrong in the first place .
I took your advice EK , and gently nudged that we barely talked at school anymore ;
she said "I KNOWW!!! :( " and things proceeded to get back to normal , so my heart is relieved .
That's why I kept saying it wasn't such a HUGE deal , cuz I was pretty sure things were okay .
I know her just that well .
So new friends of blogspot , if you're out there and you actually subscribe or whatever to my blog ,
WHICH I HOPE YOU DO CUZ I LIKE WRITING A LOT ,
you will be hearing of these 2 very much , as well as all my other amazing friends who do some crazy shiit. =]
SO also , each of my blog titles will of course be song titles from the song that has popped up on my iTunes shuffle at that particualr moment.
Today's is a song from City & Colour . Beautiful man .
Beautiful men though , or maybe boys because we are barely 16 -17 ish , will be saved for a later date , a later blog . <3
So world , PCE .
Luv Luv , Isha.