AND WHAT YOU SAY

Just fades away :)
Get down on a low day
Get down on a LOW DAY.

Yes, I heard this song on family channel.
But you know what, I dun giva fuck.
Kyle, I suggest you download this shit.
It's by Capra. (Low Day)
It's just such a happy song, about something sad.
It just made me really happy right this very moment.
If you've been having a crumby time, which I wouldn't know about, give it a swing. It might make you smile for a moment.
Or it might make you punch your computer.
Either way, you tried.

Ah, the last day of 2009. A re-cap if you will:

JUST kidding I'm too lazy and sick and tired and tired and sick.
A lot of celebs died this year sadface
& tigerwoods got caught up in the moment
i really can't think of anything significant which is really sad
OH WAIT YAH I CAN
That happened this year huh?
Seems like a life time ago,
when I was asking "when oh when will this, sinking feeling, feel like man, that was ages ago!"
It is literally at this very moment in time that you are reading Kyle that I AM SAYING,
Man. That was ages ago. Look I just said "That happened this year huh? Seems like a life time ago,"
Whoa. Literal interpretation, do you get it?
I hope so.
Here's to 2010.
Don't let us down ♥

Low, low, low, low, lowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I'm Gonna Leave The Same Way I, CAME.

So I am like incredibly sick today.

It hit yesterday though, and I didn't even see it coming.
I have a sore throat WHICH I NEVER GET so it makes me worried about what kind of viral-ish thing this is;
Ugh.
I just feel like shit and look even worse.
Bright side: I can't swallow --> can't eat --> loose a couple of unneccessary pounds :)
Let's put it to the test.
For every good woman there is a good man."
So... what if I am not good (enough) ?
I actually don't mean that. I just made up that sentence in my delirium of sickness and wanted to blog it.
Just as a line.
A line of cocaine perhaps?
Sure, replied Manson.
I am enjoying Marilyn Manson's autobiography very much.
I have always had a respect for him, his opinions, beliefs (if you could call them that).


He is a very intelligent man,
with a fucked up childhood,
and a want to be a rockstar who would make a indent on the world,
which he has absolutely achieved.
I am very impressed.
I don't however share Felicia's stranger than fiction love for him LOL!
She's such a silly azn mouse :) I love her! <3 You do too.
Hmmm.
Oh ya exams.
I haven't studied worth shit. This is gonna... not be good..
I dunno what I am gonna do.
Last year I did the same thing but then in janjan I actually crammed for 2 weeks and it worked.
But that was for 1 diploma and 2 finals,
not for 4 diplomas .
Uh oh...
I think it's a really pretty picture.
I wish I could be a photographer, a professional.
That is truly what I want to do as a living.
I don't know how to get started, or how to do this, how to get my life on a role.
Because I do NOT want to enroll in general sciences next year.,
but I am going to have to.
Wow.
I feel really crappy.
I hate being sick :(
so
so
much

Happy Birthday ♥

21 baby.

I'm almost legal so

we won't have to run from the cops for much longer

That should be a song lyric eh?
This shit has now been TMed.

I love you!

B's and G's

That was the morning.
The night turned out oddly pleasant.
Happy Holidays ;)

This Will Ruin Your Christmas : Don't Read

I had to start reading Marilyn Manson's autobiography this Christmas morning just to stop myself from getting undeniably glum.
I think I'm not going to spend Christmas time with my own family ever again.
Selfish, no ?
+You woke up to holiday cheer, hot cocoa, presents under the tree, lights up and on, warm faces sitting on the couch in robes, waiting for everyone to come downstairs ot let the fun begin!
-I woke up to GO FEED THE CAT, WE'RE LEAVING EARLY.
+You hear Merry Christmas [ insert name here]!
-I hear YOU BETTER STRAIGHTEN YOUR HAIR AND PAINT YOUR NAILS OR I'LL TAKE THE CAR AWAY TILL MONDAY
+You are probably fairly joyous, and why on such an occasion!
-I on the other hand am on the verge of spilling over and cannot stop frowning with out a faulter. I can't even pull a fake smile.

My parents said Merry Christmas to eachother, everyone who called this morning;
yet not one person sitting in their own house....
I dunno why this hurts so much.
I have never been quite this sad a Christ morning.
Perhaps because I am older, and it means less to them, more to me ? Or I dunno.
I just wish my family was like the average Christmas celebrating family.
It's supposed to be a nice time isn't it ? This usually happens at like. Lots of "family times".
Except for mine never have any of those. Like maybe if I had a sibling it would be different?
Or I dunno.
I just vow NEVER EVER to act like this if I have a family.
I will never be like either of them. EVER.
But they tend to tell me I have no personality and I am nothing but a follower.
While we're at it I might as well just tell you that Moustafa has the idea that I now smoke cigarettes.
To him I just always smell like it. And the fact that I have lighters around my room FOR CANDLES does nto help the fact.
I just wished I lived in a different family dynamic.
But lovelies,
You can't have everything that you want.
And that is honestly perfectly okay with me.
It may not sound like it because right now I KNOW I am complaining,
but I need to let it out somewhere so I can breathe in real life.
How unfortunate it is that you chose to read other people's (thoughts) on this thing.
But I'm sorry. I hope everyone in the enitre world has a wonderufl day today. I sincerely do.

You'll be alone this,
Holiday ...

Yule Blog

Joyeux Noël
З Різдвом
Feliz Navidad
عيد ميلاد مجيد
Vrolijk kerstfeest
圣诞快乐
Frohe Weihnachten


Merry Christmas.
Iloveyou.

How Nice

My fucking physics Diploma is the very fucking last day of exams
Jan 28th
how
very
nice
of
them
whoever they are.
I have to go in for 6 days of exams
14 = eng A
15= soc A
21 = CHEM
26 =eng B
27= soc B
28 = PHYSICS.

Ain't life grand?
Well ya actually it is/ <-- I mean that .
Sounded cynical at first but nah, take it as it cums and just fuck it hard.
I won't be seeing anyone for a whole month.
That's about all I have to blog about..
Only my Yule bLOG to come up next but uh..
that's about it

Happy Holidays bloggers. <3

Not That You Would Mind.

There's a man named Moustafa
and he had to go to the emergency room yesterday AGAIN
but not for his heart problem no,
but for a hernia.
not as serious
and yes,
he is just fine.
he came back this morn.
Getting the surgery in 3 months or so
but guess what
my mom txted me last night about it like this:

We r at earls
Papa in hospital for hernia again
have fun

O_o. Thanks momz.

Happy Holidays

YOUR SINS INTO ME

Oh my beautiful one I ,

...♥fellinlovealloveragain.

Cemetery Drive

That's right, I miss you My Chemical Romance.
Come back to Edmonton so I can .
Hmm
Physics re-write CANCELLED on a note of no one knows what the fuck they;re doing;
HALLELUJAH! :let's make this that forever.
I wish.
Mm. Physics test tomorrow though.
Partner test, worried about partners because LARRIE LEFT.
My English teacher took it personally that we left 2 minutes early,
and we have to think outside of ourselves because our actions were offensive to her.
I'm sorry! We sincerely felt bad after you said it hurt your feelings;
I still appreciate you incredibly as my engrish teacher and am NOT complaining.
Anywho.
Yah. Physics test.
AFI
Oligardenw/feli&kip!
Uh
Baking
and
shopping for memyselfandi on sunday

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII NEVER HAD TO KNOCK ON WOOD
But i know someone who has
Which makes me wonder if I __________

Alyssa,

I am so sorry Jingles left this world..
I can't even believe it...
Jingles was single handedly one of my most favoutirtest kittens EVER..
I've never known what love at first sight was until I saw him on your floor...
I ' m deeply in mourning with you :(
Just remember that Jingles loved you,
and I LOVE you . <3 ♥
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 physics test down,
2 and a social unit final to go.
And a scolding from my engrish teacher
I need to go literature shopping
and xmas shopping for someone
and AFI on friday
and baking with felicia on Saturday
and who knows wtf else
prolly shopping on SUNDAY MORNING YOU SURE HAVE CHANGED SINCE YESTERDAY, WITHOUT ANY WARNING.

Hmmm what else. I wonder if you're STILL reading... fb me if you are;
HAPPY HOLIDAYS MCKENNA! I miss you ya cuite pie! :( <33333333333333333
How has everything been for you ?

Okay

I have like so many things to talk about
at once
that they all cancel each other out.
Now I could make a giant list
that goes all the way until January 28th,
but that'd just kill me.
So I'll start with just this week.
4 days until xmasBREAK...
So far, with add ins of tests on any day that I don't know of so far,
Tomorrow, block zero written asssignment, field test block 4. First social clas sin 5 days.
Guitar 30 Concert <3 @shhchool.
Wednesday, physics test.
Thursday, physics re-write test after school.
Friday, physucks test AGAIn.
AFI
AFI
AFI
felicia
AFI
AFI
AFI
Oh ya xmas break.

Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman...
Maybe he won't find out what I know!
You were the last good thing about this part of town.

I WON'T LET YOU FALL AWAY...

Mmm
Some trouble sturring in JP town!
Interests me
and whenever I try to talk about the thing you talk about
it always reverts to you
as if you almost..
ignore it :S
but I KNOW you don't ignore it on purpose..
and it's sttrange
like i have no
self
outwards
spokenly
ness
so I just get swallowed up all the time
mmm
I dunno
but I still love you to bits and pieces.
See now.
One has a reality
You have a reality, even though it's rocky.
I wish mine could be too!

PS Kyle, nothing here is about you :) the whole ignore thing. definitely not you.
PS larrie and Kyle , my reality = NOT BTW.

No One Txted Me Back

I'm really sorry about the blog below.
I just.
Understand now I have incredibly low self ______.
I take it all back in theory,
but i will not delete.
I took the whole experience for granted pretty much.
I don't know how to not take things for granted.
I just get way too excited and overwhelmed and flustered.
Oh why can't I ever be cool and smooth about things?
I am excited to have 2 whole days to myself.
I intend not to waste them.
I could do the responsible thing and prep my English,
but no. I will not.
I have all of xmas break to do that shit.
No,
I am going to think about.
Everything.
And nothing at the same time
Basically nothing.
Hmm
Do you wanna know what I ate today after school ?
SDouble Cheeseburger meal, coke and fries ( officially last time I EVER EAT MCDONALDS AGAIN)
a cookie
2 pizza slices
cinnamon bun
Yup
and that is why i am a fatty
I've really never eaten so horribly in my life though
I can honestly say that.
I'm going to change that,
and only eat an AMAZING something on friday, but only one thing. Not. 4.
Mhm
I blogged about it so now if i dont stick to it you can call me a big ol' fake

Shop-a-holic!

You're In My Head

Is it possible to think that much about someone who doesn't know you're...

Yah REB. I dunno how I feel about what happened,
but uh
I
m not going to talk about it here because Larrie&Kyle will probably yell at me really loudly
Well perhaps I should get it out but Kyle is advising me as I type (and it's helping MAJORLY)
Ya I've decided I'm not going to talk about
but I am going to post what Kyle has said:
Okay well.
You're being much too hard on yourself, first and foremost. You went out there and gave it your all [and rocked it].
But thanks to being teenagers, we're all self-conscious and unsure and always looking for acceptance and approval and appreciation and a bunch of words starting with "a" like that
And we're so used to wanting and YEARNING for that praise
That when we get it it's totally normal to be defensive and be like "Well... no!"
Like we're naturally used to questioning ourselves and NOT getting answers from people
That when we get answers without having to ask, it automatically sets off alarm bells and makes you wonder and question even more
You're not retarded at all, okay? (:
mmph
oh the insecurity
right now what is going through my head:
Stop talking to me
I must start eating properly!
I must start working out!!
I must get into juggling and soccer again!!!
Improve myself even more
by doing that
and tattoo
and job
and second semester
and leaving my friends
and my friends leaving
DIPLOMAS
DIPLOMAS
DIPLOMAS
DIPLOMAS
That's a big word.
I don't know how to feel
but I am done with school now
I can;t do this////
thank god fucking reb is over
shitty
shitty
fucking
reb
jk

I like Zoe Wincure.

We are sleeping together tonight.
THat's right,
IN THE SAME BED
.

ooo.
I'm pullin out the leopard print undies tonight...
Hmm
Oh ya.

REB IS FUCKING TMR

Zoe is watching me be a blogger nerd as we speak.
I kinda feel like a loser right now.
but it's all good.
Anyways.
I am losing track of what I am saying becasue she is really turning me on so
i must
go away

GOODBYE OLD FRIENDS.

OH yA

2 blogs today because i didn't blog yesterday
i have a ton of stuff to do

finish social test that i stole from classroom and brought home to cheat on and get a good
mark
(whoops way to much information)
prep kite runner fuckin essay A LA DIPLOMA!!
= type out 6 billion quote and organize
study for chem
test

SHAKE YOUR HEAD IT'S EMPTY.

2 Days Motherfuckers.

two
days
BAH
I'm nervous
and excited
oh aren't you happy?!
Nope not really
and all I can think about is
well
not you
that's for sure
Haha
oh REB
you silly fool
you are screwing me up
and over
I KNOW YOU FEEL IT TOO
IT ALL SEEMS SO UNTRUE
WHEN WE GET UP
AND OVER IT AND OVER THEM
UP AND OVER IT AND OVER THEM

Eggnog Lattes

f
ou
r
da
y
s

You'll be alone this, holiday...

I hate Blogging twice In one Day

No Doubt .
But anyways
I dunno how to do this anymore
I give up.

(!)

5 days till fucking reb.

YOU CAME UP WITH THE BREEZE

On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday,
without any warning!
I thought I knew you,
WOAH OH
I thought I knew you,
WOAH OH
I thought I knew you well!
So well!
Oh well...
♥

Mmm

I'd love me some Dr. Pepper right now.
That's a total lie.
7 days and counting till you know what.
Sometimes I just dislike you SO MUCH.

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODY

Hot Topic:
I ALMOST, would tell you something.
But I'm not going to because it'll just flop.
Anyways though,
the hot topic has been relationships...
or not RElationships, but girls like boys liking girls liking boys.
A lot of things have suddenly popped up, and perhaps I just got caught in that whirl-wind.
Probably what it is but I won't admit it.
I thought that perhaps if I had a tangable goal,
I could achieve it.
But I find that there is something ALMOST tangable,
but not QUITE THERE.
And that has how it has always been
Like I am always missing SOMETHING.
Thinking about a tangable goal makes me think less about you.
Which is also why I like this. But I don't.
Anyways I'm done talking about that and infact I'm erasing all of this probably
Ehh probably not. Makes for a good blog (or so I think)
Anyways
I have not done a single sheet pof homework this week
REB is ruining my life
School life, that is.
Hell am I nervous.
I just don't know bro
I need to practice.
Lately I just have no time to think
but in saying this I HAVE BEEN DOING NOTHING LATELY.
And i keep missing class for grad council..
i just feel like im falling behind even though i'm NOT
i've missed 1 physics class and one engrish class people
and i am over reacting
but you know what

THE BITCH DON'T GIVE A SHIET.
♥

Remember

December!
You have arrived.
I almost felt like it was going to be a shitty month
like an entire month
since everything revolves around christmas and my family...
does not care for the festive holiday, or the joy
since it is related to jesus christ
who is NOT god
in their most sacred holy religion
of Islam
(this is where I get hit by a lightning bolt)
family is generally WHO you celebrate christmas with
and for this reason I am sad.
Less sad than I was like 3 days ago though. About it. Yeah I know.
I was sad over that.
Anywho
Mmmmm
OH YA REB IS IN 9 DAYS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
:)
I'm sorry
I'm too excited
And I am building it up TOO much
Because I think it's gonna be good
so it'll probably go bad
ly
Yeah
I dunno
I'm nervous.
What else
Missing so much school for grad...
Love it
Also,
It might sound crazy but it ain't.no.lie.
Baby, BYE BYE BYE.

Wake Me When It's Over...

Okay
I am having a problem with __________
I was doing so well
Feeling SO GOOD about myself,
and now I am back to the old habit
And I feel like shit.
Like I am losing it all.
Must control..
Must stop..
No motivation..
Sound familiar anyone?

If This Is A Test

I'm losing my shit.

feel glum.

slept the whole day today.

Always do that when not feeling good

not sick not good

unhappy not good

dunno

just grey

oh BOO you whore

miss alyssa & jingles

lookie lookie.

can you guess what did especially for this post?
bahahaha

California Rest In Peace

Cool
I cannot feel anything
right now
---

Capital M-E

I'm getting sick of saying that alot.
I just read your blog and all it said was I,
and I didn't mind reading it ONE BIT.
I guess it made me realize that duh, this blog is about you, us, me.
So I suppose it's okay to say I a billion times.
I don't like it though.
Not very much no not at all.
Anyways.
When my mom says, (yells), DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?
Like. What am I supposed to say? NO, I ONLY SPEAK KOREAN.
What does she expect?
I also dislike when she says a trillion punishments like, you're NOT driving, NOT going to the party, tell one of your friends to pick up the present but they are not allowed in the house, they have to get it outside of the door, etc etc.
You don't ACTUALLY think that specifically is happening do you? I dunno. I guess I know where my overexaggurative nature comes from.
I always tell her whatever she wants JUST to shut her up.
Honest. I'm sorry. I know that I am a horrible person for say that,
but it's to a point where I don't give a damn (about the telephones) <-- you won't get that!
I just don't care anymore.
There will never be a salvagable relationship.
We are two strangers living in the same house.
It's unfortunate.
Everytime I see a mother-daughter thing on TV or a movie or anything, I haveto look away.
Anywho.
I'm sort of almost but not quite in the slump of school.
It's become SO ROUTINE I just want it to end so badly.
At the same time not because I won't have classes with any of these fabulous people ever again,
but then again.
No more hard CORE subjects.
Imagine a world with no CHEM, PHYSICS, SOCIAL, or ENGLISH.
I can't even.
All I would have is ♥Guitar♥ & Math with kozaky VICH :) <-- you won't get that either!
What a life.
Then I could concentrate on a job scolitis <-- I know, I'm sorry. But it makes sense to me
And the tatters of course!
And grad
WHICH BY THE WAY DOROTHY
is slowly getting better! No promises though.
Hmm.
What else.
A boy who shall remain nameless made me sit on his lap today a part of the bus ride, including arm around my shoulder...
I know nothing in the world would ever happen ever because no one would willingly want that with myself,
but I got fluttery for a few minutes there.
I wished for like 6 and a half seconds that we
JUST KIDDING or am i?
It just felt... Nice. I dunno. this sounds gross
because I don't know what it feels like to be
Unfortunately I am a female
I cannot help it and I HATE IT
Hello gr.10 immatureness but not really because I gave up 1/2 way through gr 11 for boys
Go on ask me Kyle, who's the boy!

Bye Hayley <33

I Ate Too Much :(

I honestly ate too much.
I am very mad at myself.
Fuck

I love singing
I cannot wait for REB
Fuck

My blogs have been so dumb lately.
Capital M-E.
I hate you!

My scarf attracts crumbs on purpose. I know it,

Plan T

(for tattoos)
Oh Alyssa you make me laugh :)
I cannot wait to see you and discuss your future!!
And do a bunch of other fun things .//
Hmm. What to say?
Nothing is really going on.
Incredibly routine
I don't want to do my Chem test tomorrow
but Friday I get a FIELDTRIPMUTHAFUCKAS
for gc only
Oh how arrogant
anyways
my amurrikan cuzin is back in town mmmmmhmmmmmmm
REB is now 15 days and STILL no fucking practise.
Max made a good point though
because this happened when auditions were approaching ;
we barely practised like the week before
when we had 2 WHOLE weeks
and then I guess we were good enough to GET IN..
So..
yah... I've been singing my part by myself so. I dunno how this is gonna go
OOps
I just overdosed on prmr
I am gonna keep going
I'm sorry
this is the shallowest blog ever
to date
thus far
in time
of ths space continum
however

ALL I WANTED WAS YOU.

Oops

I just did something I am not supposed too.
But I just couldn't help.
I'm going to get sick from this.
Oh godforbid.
I am so scared for REB////
Of getting ill and not being able to sing at my prime ;
Of us not practising enough
OH but we'll be fine.
Take care of yourself you dumb fuck
Oh why did I JUST do that to myself...

you know that i could USE SOMEBODY

B/c It HAS 2 B So Lonely

To be the only one who's holy...

It's just my humble opinion,
but it's one that I believe in :
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you.
I heard this Silverstein song today,
and if you were to look up the lyrics,
Kyle would know EXACTLY WHO is was written about.
It's uncanny. I will tell you the title of the song someday when you ask me.
Because if I posted the title here, you would all figure it out
and I would get in trouble.
/
I miss a certain azngurl right naow.
Saturday was just weird. I could have been laser tagging or being with my best friends
instead of hanging in that shit hole.
I'm still pissed.
Well not really.
Ilprmr.
BAH DAP BAP BA DAP BAH BAH DAP
BAH DAP BAP BA DAP BAH BAH DAP
Visual Presentation 2 Anthropologie...
Chapters terra losa + mall
Coles so I'm right by felicia :)
Cookies By George with RACHEL <33333333333333333
HMV = last resort. ilu kevin
These are the places I will apply for
oh and possibly AA but only because Ellie asked.
DOLLAR_RAMA with ZOE lol!!!!!!!!!!!
Perhaps.
TATTOO :)
I found a lyric that I'm going to get for good measure
And I need to find a paramore lyric..
see none of them really...
appeal in the sense of what kind of a LYRIC i'd want to get,
you know what I mean?
Like Oh Star fall down on me let me make a wish upon you?
Like
There stuff as AWESOME AS IT IS.
I dunno
We'll see :)
I'm going to spend all of second semester reading every single lyric of prmr critically,
seeing what would be the perfect sentence
do you want to know what sentence I'm getting for most likely sure?
You'll have to ask me
Cuz I'm not telling you.

Come Fly Away

I'm sorry Dorothy!
I know I never make sense on these blogs...
Haha it's not me being DEEP;
I just basically talk to myself so only I understand them..
I apologize. I will try not to do that.
Uhm
Moustafa is doing fine now...
Basically last night was a TOTAL DRAG.
I knew that was going to happen. Wish I hadn't wasted my weekend on that.
Hmmmmmmm
What else..
I went to bed @ 3 this morning.
I was reading :)
I have nothing else to say for now
I am tired and forgot everything.
NO OH MY GOODNESS I REMEMBER!
I am going to take care of myself from now on
for REB
I haven't been lately.
No more milk.
No iced cofee
XL Steeped Tea with NOTHING in it
Nightly Nasal Ritual
Sanatize hands 24/7
Dont touch mouth
EAt properly
I haven't been doing that either.
Uhm yah
k that's it
I hate how everything turns out into I .
Capital M-E

The Christmas List That Will Never Exist

-- OPERATION (board game)
--Polaroid CAMERA!
GiftCards GALORE
*Chapters
*Anthropologie
*HMV
-- Prmr BNE Box Set
-- Prmr Elephant teeshurtt,


-- Hayley Williams...
Baby All I Want For Christmas,
is you.

YOU'RE GOT TO REACH OUT

more.

I am not excited for tonight for some reason.
Perhaps it's because of the boys.
I dunno.
Yeah no I actually think that is why.
Maybe not.
But I think I'm going to lie to you just for fun :)
I mean,
is that what goes through your head?
I wonder
About Everything.

I Wake Up To My Mom Screaming,

DON'T HIT ME !

It's funny how things like that work out Mom isn't it.
For Dorothy,
the final UPDATE:
Moustafa had 2 stents put in the Left Main artery,
the largest surrounding the heart --
95% blcokage, a hairline away from having the most severe heart attack someone could possibly have.
Lucky it was goddamn caught huh ?
Anywho.
I won't say what happened today, did enough of that @ skewl.
I'm so hungry but I can't eat.
Selfish ... if you think YOU'RE the one who's being selfish...
oh, how wrong you are.
You know that's the calibre of what I'd do for you.
You have a problem, you tell me, and I deal with YOU.
It's not like you ignored my situ anyways.
It just came out slightly less discussed than yours did.
That might have even been for the better, like I didn;t mind AT ALL .
What did you expect ?
Am I the one who says, NO, I have a problem so you can shut your mouth.
LOL. You know I wouldn't.
So. That deals with that. Not selfish.
You just wish you could have been selfless,
in dealing with what might be one of the BIGGEST ISSUES you've faced,
and in that thought of wanting to be selfless,
you were being just that.
"It's the thought that counts"
However true that might be.
:) Don't worry about it.

BUT THE WORLD DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE OR NOT THERE BECAUSE YOU'RE
on drugs.

When There's No Way Out

The only way out is to GIVE IN.

UPDATE :
Moustafa is back at the hospital .
Angiogram @ 8:30 a.m. tmr ...
if there is blockage, angioplasty with a possibilty of a stint put in place.
Mentioned in the educational video we watched at the hospital today,

Risks Include :
+ Heart Attack
+Stroke
+Death

FUCKING COMFORTING HUH.
So yeah uh...
Tomorrow I might cry at school just to let you know if ANYONE IS READING THIS. Or cares/
===================================================================

Don't worry Dee, I am not going to quit grad council whatsoever.
I'm going to start changing my attitude towards SOME members now.
A.K.A. not let them walk all over me.
I just got really frustrated you know?
Like.. worst feeling in the world to not be able to say what I am thinking,
not be able to express my ideas.
I feel like I have so much input to give,
and it is just completely botteled up inside my neck and chest,
and so I explode it all on here.
But no more.
I'm not going to live GC like this.
I promise :)
=================================================================

Ugh.
Honestly I jjust cannot think of anything but Moustafa now.
And all you can think of is yourself.

Use Somebody

Currently my fuckin FAVOURITE cover by prmr,
orginally a KingsOfLeoon song.
It's so good.
Fuckin'.
Ilysm.

K. UPDATE!
So have you ever seen those commercials on Spike TV,
where like super famous male athletes are all , "Check up... or check OUT."
Trying to advocate to those guys out there who are too afraid to see a doctor,
in the even of that doctor grabbing their balls and finding out something wrong.
Moustafa is one of those men, which is why he skipped out on his test yesterday.
However, he went today :
" After six mintues of walking on zee ddamn treadmills I could not even breathe ANYTHING! (Makes loud panting noises& sticks out his tongue) "
Lol! So tmr @ 2:30 he's going to talk with the cardiologist about getting an angioplasty procedure.
Stick a catheter(TUBE) up your femoral atery, push it all the way to your pulmonary artery I BELIEVE, do a little scrub a dub dub to clean out the plack,
then put a stint so the atery stays open.
Oh Moustafa :(
What kind of a mess are you in!
....

GC meeting tmr.
I have a problem,.
I keep getting....
stepped on.
Like I'm the fucking front door mat to the Access Room.
I haven't been able to contrubute to any of the fucking committees I'm on..
As soon as my mouth opens,
I hear a "Yah, but that wouldn't be good."
That and every variation of that :(
I've actually been so mad that I wanted to quit.
Like that's how much I keep getting cut off,
as if I don't even need to be there.
I've felt like that at 2 consecutive meetings,
so you can only imagine.
*sigh*
COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN

Capital M-E .
I think that's going to be the signature of my blog.
I'd almost title it,
but who can change Poster Of A Girl.

OH LOOK WHAT JUST CAME ON MY IPOD.

'TILL I TAKE ONE OF THEM HOME
CUZ I KNOW HOW IT FEELS
FILLING IN THE BLANKS
LOOKING ON THE BRIGHTSIDE, WHEN THERE IS NO BRIGHT SIDE...

I'll Keep You My Dirty Little ......

Now you might think I'm blogging to you,

and I am,

But you're not the only one.

That's right folks.

Don't worry though.

I sincerely won't tell a soul.

Just the whole world.

--

--

--

--

--

Update: Moustafa PROCRASTINATED doing his tests :( But he's going tmr.

Hope, Pray & Love friends. That's all I asked and that's all you gave.

In fact, I never asked.

♥

Update

Moustafa had to stay longer because they felt the need to monitor his vitals .
However he got to come home today ;
But he has to go back tomorrow to do a Stress Test,
and possibly an Angiogram.
Look it up. I'm too tired to explain.
But yeah basically he thinks he had a mini-heart-attack (?questionable?)
same symptoms of what GIVES you one anway.
And now he seems.
Sad.
It almost feels as if he's going into a depression. Again.
Like he's on the verge of slipping..
And I am afraid more than anything that he will.
That was just.
Not right.
To see Moustafa, of ALL people in the world,
not be able to see the sun.
not be able to smile.
crack a joke. dance a little.
Be....
himself.

i'm GOING UNDER
DROWNING YOU
i'm falling forever...
I've got break through
i'm

You Can Take Take Take The Kid From The Summer

Moustafa has to stay in the hospital till at least Monday now.
This might be somewhat more serious than he plays it off
DENIAL is my new best friend.
Ignorance has been cut.

:(

I JUST REALIZED

Today is fucking Friday the 13th,
and today my dad goes to the hospital.
Not a case of accute severity,
but he has minor blockage in his ateries,
which caused a lack of oxygen to flow to his heart,
which made it work extra hard to pump oxygenated blood around his big man body,
which caused him to have some quite uncomfortable chest pains,
which caused me to panic because before unaware of his exact condition,
i only had knowledge that his father passed away at 52 from congenital heart disease,
genetic.

I dunno. Just reading Leah's blog I totally forgot that it was "freyedai.thu.thr.t33nth."
I don't really believe in like superstition-ish things like that PER SAY,
but it's just interesting how that happened TOday.
Funny how things work huh.

Thank all that is good and holy that it wasn't VERY serious.
And good it has been caught NOW.
Because it can be prevented.

Unfortunately.
My dad doesn't take ANYTHING about anything that has to do with himself,
myself,
and my mother seriously when it comes to medical issues.
Strange, as he is an effing FAMILY doctor.
It just screams dramatic irony to me! Hai English 30 kids :)
But yeah. I dunno man,. Like.
For so many things other than this,
I stress and strain for him to take it seriously,
until my stomach yearns for relief,
my heart burns to stop
my throat yells ENOUGH!
my eyes plead, no more.

Brother (Watching)
Life is rough.
rough rough rough

Not mine though,
E
V
E
R
Y
O
N
E
'
S
.

And I understand that now.
Everyone's.
I always have,
but always tried to justify our way vs. those in less developed countries.
OH AREN'T YOU RIGHTEOUS.
I wish I could be.
Get involved.
I have been desiring too lately.
So why don't you?
Lazy? Apathetic? Scared? Putting it off?
Excuse?
Maybe.
Man.
I'm tired
Goodnight bloggers <3
+
+
+
+
Remember that if you feel like you have no one,
you will always have me.
(if that counts for anything at all)

LORD

What did I just say ..
TO BAD I HAVE TO BE A DOCTOR?
I just complained...
about getting an education...
for free...
for an amazing life...
a chance to earn a very satisfying living...
People elsewhere,
EVERYWHERE
would GIVE ANYTHING to have what I have a chance at.
What.
Did.
I.
Just.
Say.
But no, I will not erase that blog,
or that line.
Just so you know the Real Isha SHADY.
There is a point, "be what YOU want to be".
But where does that point draw to the line
of beinf thankful and accepting what is so easily provided for you.
If only I could give that kind of an oppurtunity to someone who deserved it
I honestly truly wish I could give it to someone.
I want to donate 78/79th's of everything I own
Omg
I like the words
personality
complex
I just feel it is very applicable
and I feel smart when I says it.

Baby I'm Just Soggy

from the chemo ...

"when you blow something out of proportion, you understand it a lot easier."
Well.
My experience like that isn't SIMILAR..
I just like that quote .
An orginal JDan.
For me, it's like
when I BLOW something out of proportion,
truly imagine, make myself utterly believe that it's going to be SO TERRIBLE,
it's merely a tiny obstacle.
Not ever as bad as I made it seem.
Now sometimes I have to psychollogically trick myself into thinking it's going to be hell.
And like backwardsinsideoutupsidedownridesideupreverseforwardpauseplayREWINDfastforwardtothegoodpart psycho analyze it.
ohkay hi sorry.
a 100% overexagguration.
I hate people who don't recognize that what they are saying is an overexxaguration and DONT admit it.
You're not cool :S
ANYWHO
much off topic
but yah.
But ever since I noticed this trend, I have tried to abuse it.
Do it on purpose
as an excuse to make something seem easier
OH THE PERSONALITY COMPLEX IS JUST SCREAMING!
ilovepsychology :(
too bad I HAVVE TO BE A DOCTOR.
Ah fack
I need to sort this out..............................................
Selfish huh ?
CAPITAL M-E.

No Sympathy.

Livingstone you are becoming a writer, right ?
Did you even READ you're last blog ?
I can't even begin to comprehend what kind of a brain you have for you to have written that.
Like what was your inspiration
to take your confusion to a level like THAT.
It was just unexplainably AMAZING!
I don't even understand it.
I have to take a 3rd read now.
bye.

Can't Stop

Thinking about tattoos and it SUCKS.

Just calm down and don't think about it!

I have a WHOLE semester to conquer first and then ONLY then will I be able to start thinking about which one I will get first.

However I would actually marry the boy who got this tatt

just so I could look at it EVERYDAY.

I WANT IT.

(Him)

CAN'T BE TO careful ANYMORE

WHEN ALL THAT IS WAITING FOR YOU
WON'T COME ANY CLOSER,
YOU'VE GOT TO REACH A LITTLE
MORE.

Uh
If you think you have it bad...
thinkagainmyfriend!
Another example has been proven to me.
To the person who shared something personal with me today,
I have an incredible amount of respect for. And thank you for trusting me =].
& I realize just how much I take my parents for granted.
& I hope that we will become closer as the days role on.
& we will

:)
Cheers to new-ish friends.

Okay

Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Once the measure has been made, you probabbly regret it.
But this new found regret teaches you that you did not need to be in the former state you were in
in the first place.
Life is good.
Realize what you have.
Realize what happened. to you was wrong,
and you don't NEED some.thing like that in your life.
Even though you loved (it_) SO MUCH,
and you still want to love ( it), because they were your form of heroine/
But you are slightly stronger than this
and you can hold on to the new way of your well being.
You're so close to slipping,.
and you almost do because of that desperate measure
and the vicious cycle just draws you back.
But it's the best thing for you.
Move on and accept what has happened.

Hey you. Congratulations on your decision.
You are going to be whatever you want to be, and fuckin SUCCEED.
And I will be there right behind you :)
Imma have to get me some WINTER ASS TIRES to drive all the way to Peace fuckin River !
But it'll be WORTH IT.
:) I love you!

Just B/C I'm Losing

Doesn't mean I'm LOST.

Chris Martin you are somewhat correct.
I didn't lose anything, in fact, I won...
but I do feel a little lost.
I literally slept this weekend away.
Not in the good way either.
I mean, it was never my intention to brag..
Ugh. I don't know why I did that.
I feel disgusting.
Saturday: I woke up at around 8:30 or 9ish. did the hw. ate.
Went back to sleep at 1round 12.
Woke up at around 6.
Felt shitty for the rest of the evening,
went to sleep at 10:30.
Then did it ALL OVER AGAIN
on Sunday/
I actually feel like crap.
What's wrong?
The greatest thing just happened and I don
t feel enthused.
Maybe it's BECAUSE of what I did this weekend.
I always sleep like that when I am subconciously sad because I have nothing else better to do.
Sleep just take sit all away
Then throws it back at you for the next hours your'e awake.
Ah fuck
GET GET GET GET GET OVER IT.

Superstition

has nothing to do with this blog.
It's just stuck in my head right now.
Stevie Stevie Wonder.
I wonder.
Right now I feel really incompetent.
Like I can't do anything to please anyone.
You people at home.
I come home late.
Much later than you would have preferred,
so then you say no to going to another friend's b-day dinner today.
So I accept this and move along.
Admittedly, a little upset but no matter,
I defyed you, so you punished me, I move on.
Then 10 minutes later you say you're very angry, I'm an indecent, disrespectful person,
but I.. can go...
I'm not. But like.
I just don't understand.
Like I don't want to just do whatever the FUCK I want.
I don't deserve anything, like you said, and you're right.
It's up too you.
It's. Not.
You're the adults here.
I just don't understand
& lately my personality complex has been bothering me.
But only when being with two of my best friends, which is odd.
3rd wheel, even when you say you're not!.
I feel like it.
The whole one person for you thing is a load of bullllllshit.
But I can't seem to let it go for this past little while.
I also feel REALLY fuckin' incompetent because I have literally done absolutely nothing for GradCouncil.
I don't even think they need me like what am I here for ?
I have lost the purpose of my life this weekend my friends.
A mood swing, I know.
Hope i get back to where I was
or don't.
How do you feel ?

What We're All About

california...
California..
HERE WE COMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


Well actually here YOU come.
Have a good trip B. Fly safe. :)
UH okay.
So I'm like pretty fucking happy with how the audition went down.
That was the bets we;ve ever done it.
And like fuckin Dan Jeff saved the day man.
He literally drummed with us the DAY BEFORE.
Kieran didnt even guit with us the day before and YOU DID FANTASTIC.
Fuck am I proud of you :)
You never needed practise in th first place though.
Okay
totally forgot what i was going to say
i left for like 20 mins to get megans bday present.


I'magenieinabottlebaby
Yougottarubmetherightwayhoney

How We SURViVE

is what makes us who were are.

Guess what. I am confronting you now.
You got what you wished for, so here it is.
What
the
fuck
is
up
with
you
?
Do you not understand that you have a conglomeration of friends sitting around you just WAITING to help you ? No one would make fun of you. No one will judge you. No one will spread your secrets.
We are here to help you.
If not to everyone, pick one person.
Any single person you want, and tell them what's going on.
Just because you see ONE way out, does not mean that is the only way out.
Get outside of your own head, and get a different perspective.
It's rare when 2 people see a situation the same way --
This means that other opions will MOST likely help you.
OR give you another idea on how to fix whatever the fuck is going on.
But like honestly, jokes aside
the longer you hold it in, the faster it's going to kill you,
and the rate at which it kills you will become more agonizing.
Don't be afraid of whomever you tell that they are going to think things of you.
Every single person here has a problem,
Whether you know of it or not.
Everyone might deal with it in different ways,
but you have CLEARLY expressed that you need help.
You wouldn't have blogged about it otherwise because even though this blog is public,.
it does display what your most inner thoughts are to some extent.
Don't do this to yourself anymore. You know you don't deserve this feeling ;
The quickening pulse. The sinking heart. Tears in the corners of your eyes, bombs just ticking to detonate. The scream that's sitting in your chest that you just want to fucking ROAR in the middle of class?
Stop doing this.
Tell someone.
Tell Oreo for fucksakes.
Just
TELL
SOMEONE
However, in saying this you KNOW that we will not pry into your life.
We will not ask. We will not beg. We will not nose or fuck around.
When you are ready, then proceed to do so.
Don't put it off. Do not procrastinate.
You are procrasting because you are scared of what will happen and YOU KNOW IT.
You've said this repeatedley to me and who know's whom else, so I know.
I know exactly what you're doing and you have to stop!
GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE
Listen. Fuck. I am starting to say the same things over and over here,
but just know that we love you
We don't want to see you hurting,
or even know that that is the fact of the matter.
and we will help you when you need it.
That will never change.
Just please.
Tell someone.
I love you so much ....

(We + I are interchangeable;
get creative.)

Rough Hands

And that's 2 days till the audition,
and I'm alright with that.
What else?..
I left ALL my shit in Postle's room :(
I hope it's still there in the morning...
Grad council is nothing,,,
Chem is hard...
Physics is deep
Social is blah
English is pulling Hamlet essays out of my ass at the last second
Jessica Stewart is love :)
Mckenna Courtepatte is really cool if she still reads this
Sara Nyitrai has been sick and I have NEVER SEEN HER in my fucking gr/ 12 life and it sucks
because signs like these tell me she might be one of the people whom I ACTUALLY want to stay in close contact with but will have a REALLY hard time because well. This happens :(
Ilu sara :(
Larrie :)
Dorothy :)
Blair :)
Kyle :)
Elle s'appelle :)
ANYA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're special
ALYSSA <333333333333333333333333
ksteer =D omg.

wow this is really gay
i apologize

Stadium ♥

Dopo, I am so happy for yew =]
Many more sneaky but not so sneaky times to come.
It was fantastic. FantaSIES.
Combat baby was just magnificent.
That's what did it for me.

Okay.
So I was very angry.
I said some things about you.
I am sorry.
I never think before I speak.
It always bites me in the ass.
But I deserve it because I open my big mouth.
You I always tell me myself I won't do it anymore.
And not just this, like lots os things.
Those habits that you just CANT NOT DO.
Like you'll conciously not do them for a while, but 2 weeks later it'll slip without you even knowing it
and then it leeaves you in the same position of, "I won't do it anymore. I promise."
I haven't promised anything to anyone in a long time.
That's for the better.
I'd just let you down.
But you know what.
That was a great way to spend Halloween,
it turned out a lot better than I was feeling this morning about it.
Obviously.
A good way to start November.
Here's to a good month guys.
Try and make it one.

Don't count on me
To let you know when
Don't count on me
I'll do it again
Don't count on me
It's the point you're missin
Don't count on me
CUZ IM NOT LISTENIN

Sidenote

I will always love you .
I will never stop loving you.
I will always cry when you cry.
I will always hurt when you hurt.
I will always do anything for you.
But I HATE WHAT YOU HAVE BECOME.
I hate "conversating" with you.
I hate the way you make me feel every single fucking day.
I hate that you make me second guess myself all the time.
I hate how you have sucked away all my self-confidence, and now I have to feign it.
I hate how afraid you make me feel.
I hate going to my own home because of you.
I hate being in the same room with you.
I hate that I can't confide in you for anything.
I hate that you will never know who I really am.
I hate everything about your personality.
I hate that I hate everything about you.
What kind of a PERSON are you ?
I'm sorry but I have completely given up hope that we will ever get along.
(The best part of believe is the LIE. I will always hope.)
I have this huge personality complex because of you.
Why do we have to fight every single day?
Why can't you ever NOT START SOMETHING ?
Why do yo have a problem with everything ?
Why is it that you hate everything around you ?
Why am I blaming it all on you ?
I can't not defend myself...
I can't believe this is how it has to be.
I can't take this anymore.
I can't do anything about this.
I am going insane guys.
I am powerless.

& I shouldn't have posted this.

Marilyn Manson & Danny Elfman

Not that I would fuck them or anything.

But it's Halloween people.

I wanted to scare you.

It's 8:16 a.m. and I am awake.

I cannot sleep in. Physically. Cannot. Sleep in.

It sucks.

I wanted to talk about an issue,

but frankly I am just TOO TIRED to do it.

All I was gonna say really.

Or talk about I guess.

Was confidence.

Apparently confidence is key.

If you tell yourself you can do this, then you can.

Then you will.

If you tell yourself you can't, well then...

You probably won't be able to.

But where to the lines of overconfidence and fantasy cross.

Okay that really didn't make sense.

Where do the lines of positive, optimistic thinking, willing yourself to do something and you suceed,
vs. being overconfident and failing miserably cross.

Where Is The Line?

I am not sure.

I just don't wanna blow this.

I want this to be how I dreamed about it.

No just kidding it honestly will never be like THAT.

But I want this to be great.

To reach it's full potential if possible.
You

can

do

this

right

?

Justin Timberlake

I bet he'd be a GOOD OL' TIME.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
I'd like me a slice of JT pie plz.
Mm. Omg.
Yay :)
Men.

Man
I have nothing to say
Pce
Not even

Deryck Whibley

I ALMOST FORGOT YOU/
I am so sorry.
Definitely the first "famous" man I had a crush on.
I hate Avril Lavigne for divorcing you.
I thought you were gonna make it.
You came from the same worlds,
punk rockas from tiny towns in Ontario;
You, Ajax. Her, Napanee.
(no, I didn't have to look that up. I knew that by ♥ )
Believe it or not, around like gr. 6 ... ish... i loved Avril Lavigne 8% less then I do Hayley now, and Sum 41 3% less than I do Paramore. So that's how I know these things
Yah we're going by first names now.
So much in common! What happened?
She changed. I know. She wanted the G-L-A-M-O-R of it all.
I just had to sing the Fergire song to know how t spell that.
Fergie could cure illteracy people. I'm telling you.
Anywho. Just saying I dislike who she has become.
Your first album will always be priceless, admittedly.
Tomorrow, & Too Much To Ask are incredible songs.
Complicated will always be one of my favourite songs, and you can suck my dick if you beg to differ.
JUST KIDDANG I'm not that mean. I used to be hurt by what you used to say about my music tastes;
Then again, that WAS in Gr. 6. so.
I've grown up since then.
Dunno if you have.
Hey look at that.
I didn't blog about myself.
Hooray

Contradiction --> I just did.
Oh look Sum 41 is playing :)
It's called All She's Got.

I WANT TO (BELIEVE HER)
IT'S ALL SHE'S GOT TO PASS THE TIME.

Oh and download "Hell" by Tegan & Sara.
I really enjoy this song.
I think I will buy the new album.
Larrie I still wnat to go to their show in janjan if there are any tickets left :S

whoa im still in big font
WHOA
I NEVER MEANT TO BRAG
BUT I GOT HIM WHERE I WANT HIM NOW
WHOA IT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION TO BRAG
TO STEAL IT ALL WAWAY FORM YOU NOW
BUT GOD DOES IT FEEL SO GOOD
CUZ I GOT HIM WHERE I WANT HIM NOW
AND IF YOU COULD THEN YOU KNOW YOU WOULD
CUZ GOD IT JUST FEELS SO GOOD...

Benjamin Kowalewicz

Lead singer of Billy Talent?
Yup.
I think he'd be so kind, so sweet!
So love :) I have a bit of a crush on him.

Okay Kyle Livingstone that picture was so fuckin funny.
I was like OH haha he liked the new prmr cd.
Then I realized that you did what I did,
which is when I really said OH HAHA =D
LOL! You're funny my friend. Very very funny.

So yah. I don't wanna say anything but maybe I'm feeling bett about Msrbsnss.
Maybe.
I had a catostrophic fight with my parents yesterday but managed not to tell anyone.
I blogged about it but never published it.
It just made me realize not to fret about the rebels thing...
This is going to be cool :) and I can do this.
So kids
once again

JUST
RELAX
Life is still pretty good.
I'm sorry.
all I blog about is me

Josh Hartnett :)

Yeah he's pretty darn good lookin'.

I AM FUCKING POOPED !!
We practices for 2 hours today...
I don't know how I feel about it.
And when I say it.
I don't mean Arvin's penis.
I mean me and my... "singing"
if you WANT to call it that.
Lol guys.
I actually have Zero self confidence........
I dunno if i can do thisssssssssssss.
The boys are just.
They are INCREDIBLE..
I wish I was JUST talented like that.
They just pick the instrument and do it.
But I gues it's because the instrument can stay on key perfectly
the whole
time
it's up to ME
to stay on key for THEM
well now hold on Isha
Maybe just practise....
fake confidence..
turns into real confidence?
what?

:) I'm still happs. I love Ryan Rinlay lol!
Just so Gr. 11. It's adorable.

Ryan Gosling

Just a random.
I forgot Josh Hartnett
or whatever. That guy.
40 days and 40 nights/
I think I'll end it off with Leo.

I eat sleep drink breathe misery
However
You can't be too careful anymore
When all that is waiting for you
Dont come any closer
You've got to reach out a little more.\

"FRIENDS"

Brad PiTT

CLASSIC.
I almost couldn't think of a Mr. October 24th.
I might continue this into November,
but it will be women.
Not particularly women I would f**k,
but those whom I admire for their strength.
Their voices.
Their Beauty.
Their absolutely stunning beauty/.

Darling, you are The Only Exception.
I have nothing more I wish to say.
Live long.

A.M.

ANtiMeriDiAn.
Can't say whom but I would.
Nah just kidding I wouldn't it might be really greasy;
or really not.

I HATE THIS

George Pettit

I love you fuck!
EVERYBODY ON THE COUNT OF THREE
ACCEPT CRIME
1 , 2 , 3 !

Honours kid 8)
Grad
Grad
GRAD
(council)
Reb
Reb
REB
GRAD FASHION SHOW WE FORGOT....
Chem
Physics
Social (project)
English
I saw Wyatt tonight ! <3
I miss him.
He is my stand in grad date if he doesn't bartend and I don't fall in love
Conch
Conch
Conch <3 I love you.
Tattoo is next! I am wavering between what to get first now.
The script one that is hopefully going to be on my wrist is appealing to me VERY MUCH right now,
because currently my life is reflecting it, WHATEVER IT WILL BE, and ya.
LIFE
IS
WONDERFUL.
(that's not it)

Now be careful because you are so happy
something is going to crash.
Balance
Balance
Balance
Like dear Horatio.
Larrie, I actually LIKE Hamlet.
I am just.

OH YA and me and Arvin saw the greasy emo version of Zac Efron tonight too.
Like I know it WAS Za Efron, just getting into character for his next role.
I swear to you guys.
It was Zac Efron.

Davey Havok

I think he might be good in bed.
It'd be really soft. Soothing.
Ya he'd be good.
:)

I
Made
It.

Thank you guys. =]

Jeremy Davis/ Taylor York/ Zach Farro/ Josh Farro

Give me the strength to win this motherfucking election.
Give Zoe Wincure and Marissa Chankasingh the strength to win this election.
Give us all the strength to win this election.

That's right. I preayed to the Gods of Paramore to win this election.
Wish us good luck guys. Tomorrow,
it's now, or NEVER.
I'm so fucking excited.
I'm so fucking nervous.
This is going to be the best and worst day of my life.
And all I can do is LIVE IT UP.
I am so happy, I am bursting with pride and joy and tears and who knows what else.
There's some people whom. Well. All I can say is.
Now I know who my friends are.

I fuckin love the 4 of you. Thank you all for everything you've done.
Pce.

Patrick Stump

Don't worry. Your time has come :)
I love you.

I sincerely apologize bloggers.
I just realized I have been blogging about the same 2 or three things over
and over
and
over
again.
So I'm asking you to stop reading my blog for now because really,
that's all that's going on in my life right now.
It's a habit now, and I will not stop blogging about it because each day it progresses...
or doesn't...
And I have to keep naming men so.
2 days till Grad.
I'm still nervous about that fricken chorus.

HOW ARE YOU ?

Danny Stevens

Beat out Patrick Stump by a LANDSLIDE.
Ethan, again, thnks for the blog :)
Not much to say..
The prmr thing is sliding slowly towards reality.. SLOWLY<
Don't get excited kids.
Grad in 3 days?
I'm nervous.
Again, I'm very tired.
What else to say? Nothing.

Take another glance and remember,
We're the ones
Setting you up to take our fall.

Brendon Urie

(Real)

Uhm. I wish everyone would blog more :S...
I liek reading your thoughts.
Oh PLEASE keep lying to me.
Please.
I'm begging you!
Fuck.
Lol.
I'm so tired.
4 days till Grad.
Officially singing Misery Buisness @ REB,
and I'm scared as FUCK.
I hope this can be good..
I'm gonna embarass myself really badly aren't I.
Probably.
We'll see.

All we get is
DEAD DISCO
DEAD PHUNK
DEAD ROCK N ROLL
REMODEL
EVERYTHING
WE SPEND TIME
LALALALA LaLalalalalaa

Oh and Avril Lavigne, I am NOT IMPRESSED.

Penn Badgley

CoinkyDink?
THE STEPFATHER just came out today!
Also, Mom's birthday.
I got her a Coach wristlet,
and surprise surprise, she upset my dad so he hit her,
and she did not want to see my gift.
It's a little.. fucked up. Classic Adams.
SO I am leaving my house very soon.
I don't want to be here
anymore.
Peace & Love,
and
I'm gonna find someone who loves me enough NOT to hit me :S
Or would get this mad over an item of food being tossed in the trash..
Especially on one's BIRTHDAY....

Ed Westwick

It's okay. of COURSE I put William Beckett.
How could I not. It was just a natural reflex.
Continuing with the Gossip boys lineup here.

Okay. I like not caring about anymore.
Feels Good.
that's 1.

2. I got this Honesty Box comment.
"Hey, this isn't something I always wanted to tell you but I just heard from somebody else that u did both zoe wincures and marissas pics for there grad posters, as well as yours. and i just wanna say that theyre really really good! also i like the one with the tape thats on your pp. i hope you dont think im relly creepy. but i guess it doesnt matter cuz you dont even know who i am. =)"
Lol! I can actually make a solid guess on who this is. That made me happy.

3. Six days till Grad Council. And now that I think about it, I won't be satisfied if all 3 of us get on. If they both did, that would be SICK. I'd be so happy for them. But if I get on and another one of them gets on and the other doesn't, or ANY combonation you can think of where not all 3 of us don't get on, I won't be truly happy. I dunno man. I'm fuckin nervous as SHIT. I dunno man. .I.just.don't.know,.

4. Okay, so it's not really a big deal.... This guy who's in Gr. 11 now but was in Mine and Max's Guitar 20 class last year wants to perform "For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic" (BY PARAMORE) for REB ( a big ass Basketball tourny that goes on a JP, and @ opening ceremonies bands, singers, dancers, etc. can do performances) this year. He asked Max to play bass, and he agreed. He said, I need a singer though... He had a boy who COULD, but Mr. Finley wanted a girl to sing. See right then, Max mentioned a good friend of his who was in our guitar class who absolutely ADORED prmr & would liekly do it! Guess who he's asking.
I dunno if I can do this guys. You have no idea how many times I've day dreamed of doing this... covering a Paramore song... and even @ reb. THIS EXACT SCENARIO IS HAPPENING IN REAL LIFE. Like. Literally a dream.. How many times does someone get this chance in thier life time? And for it to be my Gr 12 year, to make it just that much more fucking fantastic. This is an actual dream come true, except for the fact that in my dreams, I can actually sing well. In reality, I just don't think I can truly hit her notes beautifully. I don't think I can cut it. But maybe practice makes perfect? Wait. Maybe. I can't throw this away. I gotta do this. For Me. Capital motherfucking M-E. Maybe. Gotta talk to this kid.

5. Life is treating you too fairly right now. Can't be to Careful anymore, when all that is waiting for YOU.

6. TAKE.BACK.
EVERYTHINGYOUEVERSAID
YOU.NEVER MEANT A WORD OF IT
You never did...
HoLlYwOoDhIlLs&SuBuRbAnThRiLls

Chase Crawford

Prettiest boy EVER.
Like prettiest PRETTY boy. If that makes sense to you.
Man I'm getting sick of naming men.
Not much to talk about.
Day by day is just an excuse to cover up how boring life is right now.
Day by day is just a cover up to the routine that controls my liife.
There's this Academy Is... song that was stuck in my head, and I know it's on my iTunes but I just DON'T KNWO what it's called..
And now I cant even remember the tune and it just makes me sick to my stomach.
No i actually have a stomach ache. I drank my iiced coffee WAY to fast.
Man that shit's like COCAINE.
Crack cocaine.
How is your life going?
Won't someone entertain me ?

I WANTED IT SO DESPERATELY TO BE REAL.
I found the song :)
It's called Seed.
Download it Kyle, you'll love it.
WAIT A SECOND?
HAVE I NOT NAMED WILLIAM BECKETT ...

Jensen Ackles

I can't really think of anyone else, and I think the Supernatural thing just fits.
How can you not have them together.
Yum.
Okay. So you gave a huge update on your life, and overall,
so I will try to give you (plural) mine.

Basically, Grad Council is consuming my mind.
And I don't want it to be this way.
In class, I just start thinking about making it or NOT.
I really want to stop that, because it ruins my day by day process. It truly just screws it up.
I wanna stop that. Immediately.
But I can't.
It's truly a 50-50 chance. And I'm okay with that.
See, my "new" attitude has taught me, if it happens, fuck YA, it happens.
And if it doesn't, it doesn't. And move on.
I know I did my best to get the word out and make people wanna vote for me, so it's up to them.
Ooo. How pretentious : make.people.wanna.vote.for.ME.
I feel like it's just Capital M-E these days huh.
Ya you got that didn't you Kyle?
:)
You would make a fabulous writer, no joke. I'll never forget the "silver" thing about the knight or whatever in Gr. 10. in Kastrino's class. That was the EPITOMY of an incredibly and truly talented writer. Like. You have nooooooooooo idea how much that impressed me!
Like Fuck.
So like. I think I am breaking the record because I legitmately am having 3 halloween costumes this year.
Oct 30th in the day, Howie Mandel (for z+m's scheme to win the costume contest @ skoo.)
Oct 30th in the night, PARTY WITH ALYSSA WOOT! So maybe a different costume with her.
Oct 31st, Where's Waldo ? ALL DAY LONG. And night.
I woke up at 5:50 today to get those fuckin posters all around school, so I can't really remeber anything significant that has happened.
Oh my earring is fucked and I'm too afraid to check. Better go deal with that.
But anyways.
It was muthafuckin worth it.
I hope this works.
You are going to get sooo annoyed with me,
because for the next 7 days,
all I will be talking about is
GGG
RRR
AAA
DDD

Jared Padalecki

OMG SO HAAAWT !!!!
Larrie did you smoke crack ?
Kyle lieks Raine Maida :) hehehe!
Hey guys if I don't reply to your blog comments, it's juscuz I'm REALLLLLLLLLY lazy.
But I always read them and love them. So keep those fuckers coming.
Hahaha omg I;'m so shallow.. "OMG SO HAAAWT!!!!" LOL.
We just past the 1 month anniversary of getting our piercings . Ilu.
You guys.
Grad Council campaign starts TOMORROW.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Yeah, I'm fucking nervous as shit. There's offically 50 people running, and 15 will get in.
I have to get the majority of the graduating class to adore me.
I'll let you know right now, I'm wearing very low cut tops and shrugging my shoulders a lot while I walk around and talk to GREASY boys, and for the fact of the matter, girls.
I know I can be a slut once and a while, because I am just pretending.
Unlike some of us JP dwellers. (HA) Mean.
"I will do anything for your vote" LOL.
That's my slogan, no joke.
Ya so Marissa, Zoe and I broke into the school saturday and covered the tower and half the first floor. I can't wait to see some of the IB kids faces when they see webeat them. Suckers.
The effort I am making. Is going good. NOT. But I feel better, because I know I am going to change this.
WHO'S EXCITED FOR METRIC ?
You are Dorothy. YOU ARE. So either me or Larrie will switch tickets with you and sneak back down. We are experts, so don't worry. We got your back bb ♥
Kyle and Larrie, so are you. But this is Dorothy's moment :)
My Waldo costume is almost complete, I'm friggen excited.
You guys better be dressing up for Metric. You BETTER.
JUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMPJUMP

Day
by
Day

Raine Maida

Lol okay.
I just made the shittiest blog I've ever made.
It's just the type I hate.
So I'm changing it.
And here it is :)
Yeah. I'm going to try to stop doing what I do to those people who created me.
It's just NOT right. Even though it allows me to be more free, it is not correct.
I'm going to make an effort to reduce this.
Lately I have not been feeling like a very good person.
I feel I recieved more than I ever could deserve. And for that, I am so motherfucking thankful. SO. Thankful.
If this gives me an image at school to those who don't know me, so be it.
Yeah, I'm nervous. I'm not as confident as that last line sounded.
Because all we ever want to look to everyone is humble. Honest. Kind.
Some are all of those.
Some are few.
Some are none.

And with 4 cups of coffee today, I completely forgot where I was going with this blog.
"Be kind to everyone - because they just might be fighting a harder battle than you are."

Ad♥m L♥zz♥r♥

Dear Mom :
I have a secret you don't know about ....

HA
HA
HA
Or DIDN'T know about, 'till I got BuStEd !
I actually willed the universe to catch 22 me. I kept imagining getting caught, and I did. If I had reacted a little faster and ran up the stairs, I wouldn't have been seen.
Yeah. She caught me bringing his kennel to my room this afternoon.
I thought I had her, cuz I booked it up the stairs while she was in her room, with the doors closed, for the most part.
But that door left slightly ajar allowed her to see out of the corner of her eye through the reflection of one mirror bouncing off another, (complicated right?) the white square that was cat kennel.
So she comes into my room and is like what'd you buy ?
I'm like nuffin.
She like what'd you buy? I saw it.
I like it's nothin. (SHIT!)
WHAT'D YOU BUY.
Larrie needed a cat kennel.
Oh. Okay. But there's no animal here right?
No.
Okay. There's not is there ?
....
Isha.
....
There's no animal here ?!?!
It's REALLY SMALL AND REALLY NICE AND IT'S IN THE BASEMENT BATHROOM (which is very spacious, the perfect bachelor pad for little Oreo) AND HE'S LITTERBOX TRAINED AND CLEAN AND OH IT'S ONLY FOR TODAY !
O_o. Don't. Show. Me. It.
(Walks away)

LOL ! I think I just fried my mom's brain. It was too much of an overload for her to react. Plus my WHOLE fam is coming over for ThanksG din din.
As for tomorrow... we'll see.
I've been a really bad person lately. Living the good life. I need to stop. Too many good things happened.
I've never felt so out of place in my own family tonight. Thanks G dinner is over, and I feel incredibly awkward. Everybody.. has somebody.. in the family that is there #1 person: (hubby, wife. SistaSista. etc. Everyone except me.)
YOU SELFISH BITCH ! I am what I feard most. A spoiled. Brat. I feel like one so much right now.
I feel really uncomfortable with myself right now.
I'm really going through some serious self doubt here.
I don't deserve anything I have recieved.
Oh fuck. I am a terrible person. I do so many things that she HATES. I am guilty. Cuff me.
1. These little disobidiences, what I'm doing, is it reasonable, living my own life, doing what I want to do?
2.Or should I be listening to every single word my mum tells me to do, because I owe her everything I have, because I don't do shit worth fuck everday.?
-Where do we draw the line ?
-Who am I ?

Kyle Livingstone

You beat out Adam Lazzarra today !
Look him up. He's PRETTTTTTTTTYYY darn hot.
So what does that make you ?
:)
FANTASTIC BLOG ky, I really loved it! The description was impecable :)
Uhm. Pretty fucking good day today, and it's not even close to being over.
I wont' tell you what else 'happened'.
YAR ! Girls are slow. I am usualy not this impatient, but this is ridiculous.
Boys are.. cute :) eep.
So I have a riddle for everyone.

What's silver, black, and blue all over and sitting on my driveway ?

Adam Levine

Oh sweet Adam Levine.
Please look me right in the eyes and sing Better That We Break when you slowly, gently f**km*.
Please. Oh god. I bet his little white boy ass is damn cute too.
SuperNatural 2knight, yay.
4:30 p.m tmr, yay.
grd drss tmr, yay.
urbncf tmr? yay.
pictures tmr, yay.
So what's happening Saturday guys ?
Who gives a fuck :)

DAY
BY
DAY

Garrett Hedlund

IM BUSY

Asher Book

Zoe want me to bang him

Actually she want to bang him

But instead imma bang HUR.

otherwise...

I AM SO BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bought Dorothy's Metric ticket, problem solved.

I think I may have found my GRAD DRESS

GRAD COUNCIL ?

AFI illScarlett new cd.

see2thaAYtwothuhARayDRIZZLE

Friday ?

Saturday ?

SUNDAY ?

LARRIE ?

William Beckett

PD DAY bitches.
I feel as though I am wasting it.
JUSTKIDDING doraphree then oh I dunno going to Dewitt Jones presentation..
I think I led it up to something it's not. what I think. I dunno. We'll see.
Then Zoe! Whoop.
What are you so happy for ?
Nothing really.
Not much to say today.
I feel much better.
I don't want to sink again;
however ...
SINK
INTO
ME

Dallas Gr33n

simplest way can explain.

I tell everyone we got through
Cuz I'm so much better without you
But it's just another pretty
LIE cause I break down.
Every time you come around.
"OhohOhohsohowdoyougethereundermyskin?
SWOREthatI'dneverletyoubackin.
Should'veknownnetterhtantryingtoletyougo
'Causeherewegogogoagain!
HardasItryIknowIcan'tquit
SOMETHINGABOUTYOUissoaddictive
We'refallingtogether,youthinkthatbynowI'dknow
'Causeherewegogogoagain!"
.............
.............
.............
And I know that I should say goodbye but it's no use
Can't be with or without you
oh
oh
oh
oh

but the simplest way to deal,
is just.
Deal.
Stop thinking.

Jason Mraz

made me think too much :(
I'm going to better myself.
No no, stop lying. You've done enough of that lately.
I'm going to TRY to better myself.
Tonight was just ridiculous, and I'm sorry you saw me that way.
It is not the person i want to be.
I don't know how I'm going to solve this.
Because Half of me begs for it to be how it was,
and half of mean just wants it to be completely rid of.
I'm scared
what have i just done
please forgive me

Alex Norman

<333333. Man. I really do admire him. Like subconciously bite my lip adore him. That's hard for men to do.
Change of blog @!
If you think I'M the only one that's complaining, man. Look around.
So I went to the U of A open house today, and I am pretty gosh darn happy.
I am partially decided on what to do after highschool.
BsC in Science, majoring in Neurosciences, minor ..... ?
Then, onto Medical School !
Yeah. Then I can tell boys I'm about to rape, "Trust me, I'm a Doctor," AND MEAN IT .
hahahahhaha
So like. MAYBE Ireland in a few years. Maybe not. Can't say.
Maybe B.C. Maybe not. Can't say.
Oh but don't worry.
I'm doing photography too.
because to be honest, i'm probably NOT going to make it into medical school/
and if I do, i'll have to apply multiple times before they finally except me.
Because i am not the 90% + student.
I wish I was. To dear God I wish !
But you got what you were given, SO DEAL.
^^ that's my moral of blog for today.
I'll try to include one everytime.
Don't get too excited. Bad things happen all the time.
Like.
Why are we all. AND I MEAN ALL of us.
In this situation, maybe even bigger, this society,
where there has to be a problem. There just HAS to be multiple problems,
shallow or really effed up, made up or true, overexxagurated or not.
I just wish.
Well actually. I'm going to combine what 2 people have said to me lots, because I share your thoughts.
I just wish we could all be friends; I just wish we could all be happy.
It's so simple, isn't it ?

WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP,
BUTTERCUP BABY JUST TO LET ME DOWN,
AND MESS ME AROUND AND THEN WORST OF ALL,
YOU NEVER CALL BABY WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL
But I love you still.
I NEED YOU
I NEED YOU
MORE THAN ANYONE DARLING
(You know that I have from the start)
SO BUILD ME UP, BUTTERCUP
DON'T BREAK MY HEART.

Oli Sykes

I believe I said October would be men I'd like to have sexual realtions with ?
Yikes.
I saw the best looking substitue teacher today in the office.
I thought he was a STUDENT. That is how young he is.
Must be 21 or 22. Messenger bag. Chesnut Brown ha
Black AA hoodie, Blue and brown plaide shirt underneath,
Black skinnies and beat up black converse.
My dream boy. Man. Excuse me.
I wonder what we're going to look like when we're older.
Mostly the boys. I think they change more when they become men.
But I wonder which ones have the ugly duckling syndrome,
and which ones have the hot teenager now, 40 yr old washed up beer bellied fat ass failed gym coach later.
I'm going to re-itterate the point that we think we all have horrible lives and horrible life problems.
Yuck.
Man. tmr. is lead singer of illScarz.
I don't know what it's like to be you.

Just Believe Me When I Tell You It's Alright

I don't even want to listen to this anymore.
I stopped half way through the first song because I don't want to wasted hte feeling I just got.
It actually just shot through my body and made me tear up.
Mckenna you just don't understand. Or maybe you do because you read :)
I just fuckin love this band.
Just.
Fuck.
And fuck all your problems. ( I don't mean it in the offensive way)
Fuck them.
Forget them.
You don't NEED THIS.
You're better than this.
You can get out of this.
This sucks. You think it's going to be like this forever.
Well, it is going to be like this forever if you don't do something about it.
Whatever you're through is going to end when you decide you want it too.
It's only when YOU choose to end this that it will.
If you sit around hoping for your problem to dissapear, it won't.
I don't want you to be the people who make a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole, and convince youreself that you can't see the sun anymore.
It's wrong. You have to realize that this is not what it's going to be like for the rest of your life.
You're the only one who knows what you want to become of this, and how to fix it.
If you think you don't know, you're just lying to everyone here. I'm calling you a liar because it takes one to know one.
You're just not thinking hard enough. And if you think you've thought to much.
Than stop. Just do.
And if you're ashamed of what you've done, don't be. A mistake does not categorize the type of person you are.
Hell, I made a mistake last year that you thought I WOULD NEVER DO, right ? One that ruined my whole Gr. 11 year. But it was ONE mistake. And the person forgave me, because they knew in their heart that it was my mistake. They knew that I didn't mean it to happen, it just did. It was out of my control.
It was out of your control.
But I got back in control.
And you're going to get back in control.
You're are right. All of our friends lives are just terrible. Even ours.
Like. Come on guys. I mean this in the most supportive way I can possibly express:
GROW up.
But let's be honest here. Who am I to spew this inspirational bullSHIT. I am a huge hypocrite...I am the one who needs to grow up, negative connotation. I don't know who I really am.

Do you ?

BRAND NEW EYES ♥

Tomorrow. Eff. :) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm going to re - write this blog okay ?
Because clearly, some people here need help.
And I am the one.
Peace/

Can You Spell Fake ?

I sure can :)
There's even more than one way to spell it !
Kyle knows, Larrie knows, Dorothy knows, Anya knows. Oh heck WE ALL KNOW.
Just kidding we all don't know.
What are you even talking about ?
Yuck.
I want Larrie to answer her txts :(
Fuckin homework INDEED.
I was going to qrite about my epifany (that's not how to spell is it...) with my mother for this writing thing...
Maybe,
something..
else..
or..
that...
or
this.
or Larrie :)

I ♥ MCKENNA

How's that for a mention ? ;)
Wow fuck my mom is walking around like a stalker. It's 2:30 a.m... I HATE how she never falls asleep.
My new peircing is really uncomfortable. I have to keep my hair down because she keeps coming back and forth to yell at me to get off the computer.
I told her, it's past your bedtime dear.
She said, IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME STUPID.
Ah, my family. Fuckin Adams .
K. This is probably going to stir a couple of you, but DONT THINK ANYTHING OF IT. This is just for Mckenna Courtepatte, one of the most beautiful girls in the world.
This blog is souly for you, because personally I wasn't going to write about tonight.
The reason ?
Drunk kids = waste of my time.
Lol ! But if my Mickey wants it, SHE GOT IT !
So here we go.
Oh and this has been edited many times, because it always turns out too harsh and personal.
I know my real feelings can be irrational sometimes. I'm learning.

Man. I just don't know what it is about kids and alcohol.
Why are they (we) so very very attracted to this substance?
Is it the notion of growing up as fast as possible?
Is it that sophisticated adults drink till they puke and pass out ?
Is it the incentive of being COOL. Accepted by your peers?
I didn't know cool was making the biggest ASS out of yourself, and then not remembering but saying "Oh mannnnnnnn I got so fucked up last night, AwEsOmE."
It's only A FEW people who I just cannot stand when dah runk ah runk DRUNK.
I just don't see the point of drinking to that extent.
But if you think it's fun, GO FOR IT :)
I actually don't care anymore. Like. They live their lives, I live mine.
I used to try to intervene because I CARED for them. I hate seeing (some of) my friends in that kind of state.
I even almost tried today, but gave up immediately.
I just don't see the point anymore. Like WHO AM I TO JUDGE . To try.
I am a nobody. Done.
I just know I will never be in that state. I just think it's kinda...sad. (pathetic)
***Now before there are ANY misconceptions, because that tends to happen a lot because apparently I do not communicate enough,
I AM NOT ATTACKING ANYONE ON BLOGGER OR NOT ON BLOGGER . Don't want anyone's comments, as I say, anyone can do whatever they want. I am open and don't give a dayum :) (anymore)
It is just my general opinion. Mckenna asked for this man.
LOL JK :) It's not on you.
But yeah. This has always been an issue that I am uncomfortable with.
I'm getting a lot better at handling it though. I've just become accustomed, and definitely just grown up a bit.
Which I enjoy.
I wish it didn't bother me... but it really is getting better every situation it comes up.
If anyone( AGAIN, GENERALLY) thinks I am super gay and retarded, keep it to yourself please :)
You're the ones who signed up to read blogger!
Mckenna. I hope you enjoyed !
Let me know if you have anymore requests, anytime !
Oh and uh.
ilysm.