This Will Ruin Your Christmas : Don't Read

I had to start reading Marilyn Manson's autobiography this Christmas morning just to stop myself from getting undeniably glum.
I think I'm not going to spend Christmas time with my own family ever again.
Selfish, no ?
+You woke up to holiday cheer, hot cocoa, presents under the tree, lights up and on, warm faces sitting on the couch in robes, waiting for everyone to come downstairs ot let the fun begin!
-I woke up to GO FEED THE CAT, WE'RE LEAVING EARLY.
+You hear Merry Christmas [ insert name here]!
-I hear YOU BETTER STRAIGHTEN YOUR HAIR AND PAINT YOUR NAILS OR I'LL TAKE THE CAR AWAY TILL MONDAY
+You are probably fairly joyous, and why on such an occasion!
-I on the other hand am on the verge of spilling over and cannot stop frowning with out a faulter. I can't even pull a fake smile.

My parents said Merry Christmas to eachother, everyone who called this morning;
yet not one person sitting in their own house....
I dunno why this hurts so much.
I have never been quite this sad a Christ morning.
Perhaps because I am older, and it means less to them, more to me ? Or I dunno.
I just wish my family was like the average Christmas celebrating family.
It's supposed to be a nice time isn't it ? This usually happens at like. Lots of "family times".
Except for mine never have any of those. Like maybe if I had a sibling it would be different?
Or I dunno.
I just vow NEVER EVER to act like this if I have a family.
I will never be like either of them. EVER.
But they tend to tell me I have no personality and I am nothing but a follower.
While we're at it I might as well just tell you that Moustafa has the idea that I now smoke cigarettes.
To him I just always smell like it. And the fact that I have lighters around my room FOR CANDLES does nto help the fact.
I just wished I lived in a different family dynamic.
But lovelies,
You can't have everything that you want.
And that is honestly perfectly okay with me.
It may not sound like it because right now I KNOW I am complaining,
but I need to let it out somewhere so I can breathe in real life.
How unfortunate it is that you chose to read other people's (thoughts) on this thing.
But I'm sorry. I hope everyone in the enitre world has a wonderufl day today. I sincerely do.

You'll be alone this,
Holiday ...