Lost And Found .

I found a flaw my character today .
I'm afraid of change .

I'm afraid of trying to become someone I'm not .I mean . I feel like I'm in a rut right now ,
nothing excites me , nothing makes me really feel incredible . Coming over to take down the posters today EK , and you rushing it , I felt RUSHED ! I mean , don't ge tme wrong . EYE / ELL / YU . But like , even thought this seems like a minimal thing , I am freaked out . A change in room , adding color and life to my effortless room , it's what I want , what I feel like would be a good thing for me . Taking down those silly band posters that I didn't even like was for the best . Just having everything the same for so many years, and literally ripping them down, I was just liek "Whoa." But it's done, it's over with , and change is coming . Convince me that this is going to be amazing in the end and that I won't regret it , like the best friend that you are =]. Kayp ?
This is like the time I drastically changed my style , and especially my hair . All the besties from Aurora remember, the birds nest as Pardeep so lovingly called it . I knew that if I had kept the way I looked forever , I would not move forward as a person . I would not be able to live my life the way I do now , prouder of the way I look, my style , the person I have become and am still becoming . I think though , starting Monday . Since I cannot go running outside , I will start excercising every single school day (5 days) in thee mother fucking home . I could yearn to loose a few pounds . This will give me something to look forward too , something to accomplish maybe ? No goal weights , that's too dissapointing . But maybe we really should do this instead of sitting around at home when you get there from your spare . Actually do something . This is going to make me feel better .
Ah , change . Another change I am afraid of is the one thing I supposedly "desire" the most . A . Relationship . I over think it , and I am wayy to insecure and indecisive about myself . I get cocky and oversensitive , think he's lookin' at me , when in reality, he's probably not . *Sigh* " I want someone provocative and talkative but it's so hard when you're shallow as a shower ." Well said CIWWAF. I don't think I'm THAT shallow though , I feel like I have some depth and am somewhat of a decent person who can interest people . At least I hope.

I guess all I'm saying is . Today I feel insecure about myself .

Luv Luv , Isha .